Ford Urges Torontonians to Eat Raccoons

RobFordRaccoons

TORONTO — Embattled Mayor Rob Ford said yesterday that the biggest issue in the mayoralty race is wild raccoons. But Ford says he has the solution. Catch ‘em and cook ‘em up. “They actually taste like chicken,” Ford told reporters as he emerged from a KFC on Yonge Street. “There …   

Washington Rumors Fly as Hillary Lists 300 Used Pantsuits on eBay

HillaryClintonPantsuitsOrange

WASHINGTON — In what is being taken as a sure sign that she’s going to chase the Democratic nomination for the 2016 Presidential race, Hillary Clinton is clearing out her old wardrobe. Hillary is selling 298 of her estimated 850 pantsuits on eBay. While MSNBC, CNN, ABC, and the New …   

South Africa Proud of Its Transformation to Country Dominated by Corrupt Elite of ALL Colors

Driving through a wealthy suburb of Johannesburg today, our correspondents were pleased to see rich people of all colors living in gated communities inaccessible to most of the despondent population. This newfound mixed elite has helped violently put down ongoing labor movements, cementing inequality, in a affirming display of class …   

Putin Diagnosed With Little Dog Syndrome

In a frightening display of authoritarian power, President Putin of Russia had his personal psychologist, Yulia Kerchankov, sentenced to twenty years in hard labor. The convictions were for, ‘criminal persistence’, undermining the ‘Dear Leader’. and ‘Lies’. Astute observers of politics will notice the similarity of the ‘Dear Leader’ title with …   

Harper Lends Canada’s 1964 Helicopter to U.S. Air Force for Iraq Mission

2006 International Air Show

OTTAWA — In a fiery speech today about global terrorists, environmental protesters and Justin Trudeau’s marijuana addiction, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that Canada will “join the battle” and put its 1964 Sea King helicopter into military action in Iraq. “I’m proud to tell Canadians today that I’ve authorized our …