U.S. Says “We Oui” to Canada

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WASHINGTON — Le Département de français en Amérique today introduced a newly-minted translation program aimed at enhancing Canada-US relations. Its first translation project shared with reporters is The Star Spangled Banner (La Bannière Étoilée) which will be sung in both languages at hockey and baseball games when a Canadian team …   

Pumpkin Spice Latte Main Ingredient is Rhubarb — Starbucks

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SEATTLE — Starbucks’ CEO Howard Schultz today admitted that he was inspired by his back-yard gardening when he discovered the subtle flavor of rhubarb and tasted that it had a hint of pumpkin. “Rhubarb sucked my mouth dry like vinegar at first,” Schultz told the Seattle Times. “But then the …   

John Baird Hospitalized for Brass Testicles

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OTTAWA — Seconds after giving a rousing speech earlier today shouting that Canada won’t back down from military conflict with “that f***ing little shit Putin”, Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird complained to his bodyguards that he had extreme pain in his groinal area. Reporters and business leaders attending the Conservative …   

Man Living in Micro Home Sadly Not Getting Laid

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KAMLOOPS, B.C. — As a result of attempts to reduce his carbon footprint, local male Colby Richmond has also drastically reduced his vagina footprint.  “My hipster friends were ‘Liking’ a lot of posts about micro homes on Facebook. So, I framed up a house on an old trailer frame,” Richmond …   

Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge…Ice Bucket Challenge.

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LOS ANGELES, TORONTO – Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. “Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge.” Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket Challenge. “Ice Bucket Challenge. Ice Bucket …