Harper Whispers to Trudeau That He’s Wearing Way Too Much Axe Body Spray During Historic Hug

HarperHugsTrudeau

OTTAWA — The Ottawa Citizen is reporting that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Liberal leader Justin Trudeau exchanged a few quiet words during their unprecedented hug in Parliament following the violent tragedies in Ottawa and near Montreal earlier this week. Harper reportedly whispered in Trudeau’s ear that he could smell …   

Harper’s Office Releases Photos of ISIS Terrorist Submarine in Ottawa River Cleverly Posing as Swedes

SubmarineSwedish

OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s Chief Spokesman Jason MacDonald late today retracted claims that a submarine reportedly photographed surfacing in the Ottawa River was an advance party for an ISIS invasion of Canada. The photograph clearly shows a Swedish flag flying atop the surfaced submarine. “But it could have …   

Messages of Friendship from Everyday Americans — A Note of Thanks from Canadians

Hands2

American friends and total strangers alike absolutely flooded social media yesterday with thoughts seldom said.  Thoughts perhaps never even realized before. And those messages were so genuine and so kindly impulsive that they cut through the noise of confusion and concern with sincerity and simplicity. Messages of “Hang in there” …   

Boil Your Underwear Say Media Ebola Experts

CrowdPersonPanic

WASHINGTON — Ebola Ebola Ebola Ebolaed today after Ebola Ebola Ebola Ebola, according to news reports on Ebola. “I can confirm Ebola Ebola Ebola…moist open sores Ebola Ebola Ebola Ebola Ebola,” said newly appointed U.S. Ebola head Ron Klain. “Public toilets Ebola Ebola Ebola. Monkey or bat meat Ebola Ebola.” …   

White People Asked to Please Stop Touching Black People’s Hair

BlackHairBeingTouched

BALTIMORE, MD — The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) today asked white people to stop patting the heads of black people to see what their hair feels like. “If you see someone with a different nose, you don’t just walk up and stick your finger in …