Enraged Maritimer Unable to Get Donair in Toronto — Police Called

Donair3

TORONTO – In what is becoming an alarming trend, a pizza place on Yonge Street became the scene of an intense confrontation early this morning when an unidentified man from the Maritimes demanded to be served a donair, despite it not being on the menu.

The incident occurred at approximately 3 a.m. when a young man entered Ricky’s Rockin’ Pizza and asked for a “donny”, the east-coast late-night donair staple.

The clerk behind the counter was 17-year-old Jeff Morrow who had to first ask what a “donny” was and then had to tell the man that they didn’t serve donairs. The man quickly became enraged and said he wouldn’t leave until he was given one.

As terrified patrons looked on, the man grabbed a bottle of ranch dressing and one of Sriracha sauce and threatened to squirt if his demands weren’t met.

Onlookers tried to calm the man but he refused to listen, saying repeatedly that when he left the Maritimes his mother warned him to not to trust anyone west of Gaspé.

“How do you not know what a donair is?! Are ya stunnered?” he shouted at Morrow. He then calmly described the composition of a donair in lengthy detail, including stating that he wasn’t quite sure what kind of animal a “donair” actually was because he had never seen one in the wild.

He described donair as a “gorgeous lump of spinning meat more beautiful than the channel 13 weather lady.”

Police arrived to intervene after being called by patrons, but the man grabbed a bag of Ketchup potato chips and took off running into the night. As he disappeared into the darkness he drunkenly exclaimed “I’m the fastest man on Earth!”

Police Sergeant Don Donaldston told the Toronto Star that a similar incident took place in the early hours this morning at a pizza place across town. This second incident stemmed not from a lack of donair on the menu, but a lack of Garlic Fingers, “whatever the hell they are,” said Donaldston.

Police asked citizens to be on the lookout for a disheveled looking man in dirty jeans, a Halifax Mooseheads jacket, and a “Frizzel’s Autobody” hat.

Police also urged caution for Torontonians if approached by a Maritimer in any establishment that does not serve donairs.

 

Leslie Kitchner
Reportering for The Lapine


Comments

Enraged Maritimer Unable to Get Donair in Toronto — Police Called — 113 Comments

  1. Police Sergeant Don Donaldston must live under a rock….how in the hell could you never heard of a donair or garlic fingers….is he serious?….is this serious?….lol

    • I don’t know what a donair is… and garlic fingers are -I’m assuming- called garlic bread. Or garlic bread sticks. We don’t use the term ‘fingers’ hardly anywhere. It took me 6 months of looking before I actually found a box that said Fish Fingers instead of Fish Sticks.

      • lolol garlic fingers are just like a pizza but garlic butter instead of tomato sauce no pepperoni and of course cheese and they cut them in rectangles hence garlic fingers we dip them in donair sauce and they are awesome

      • A Donair is LIKE a Gyro, but way better …. And not with this “Sweet” or “Dill” sauce you Westerners use (that stuff is disgusting, and completely uncomplimentary to the dish.
        As well they’re called ‘Garlic Fingers’,not Garlic Bread – they have a dough-base (that of a pizza) done thin crusted, slathered in a creamy garlic-butter sauce and a cheese mixture (varies from vendor to vendor). Personally I like to add Bacon or ham as well… But you can add whatever you’d like. It is then cooked like a pizza, and sliced into inch-wide slices, with the entire thing be slice right down the middle so as to give the ‘finger’ appearance (about 20-30 per dependant on the size).
        Hence the term Garlic Finger.s
        Garlic bread is bread with garlic. I think the difference is properly noted.
        Also I would like to point out the following:
        “We don’t use the therm ‘fingers’ hardly anywhere”
        Follow By:
        “It took me 6 months of looking before I actually found a box that said Fish Fingers instead of Fish Sticks.”
        I would just like to take this moment to say “Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

        Might I direct you an unexlipcably useful source for information.
        http://www.google.ca

        Your Welcome,

        Every Single Person from the Maritimes.

      • Garlic fingers: A round of puffy dough that comes in the same sizes as pizzas. Made with garlic, topped with cheese. Bacon bits are optional. They are cut on the horizontal and the vertical to create small rectangular (except with the edge pieces) fingers of bread.

    • Yeah but the thing is in the maritimes we do something special… Cause we actually serve a greek dish that originated in the maritime also in our italian restaurants or pizza places. But not everyone will know what a donair is of course. But for the garlic fingers I have no idea why they didn’t know what it was. I may be from the maritime but live in Ontario for many years now and I’ve seen “garlic fingers” on restaurants menus or even in the grocery stores all the time. Anyways… This guy is bringer shame to the maritime, he should know is facts more.

  2. Hahaha love it !!! It’s about time someone took some action and demanded REAL donairs a true eastcoast art and yummy garlic fingers lol can’t wait to get home to HFX for Christmas

    • hahaha. This particle (I call them particles because they are articles that are partly true.) was written by a younge writer from PEI. He’s still out there looking for a ‘donny’.

      • “ A Charlottetown Lad for sure.

        Frizzel’s Autobody, Is in the outskirts Of Charlottetown
        And the best God Damn donairs are made on the Island.

        • There is a Frizzels in burnside in Dartmouth too but donairs are good anytime….but better after a couple beers for sure….lol

      • Well he clearly doesn’t know that here in Toronto we have 2 donair restaurants…Te Fuzz Box on the Danforth and a new location of the same place called wise Guys…we can get our Donair fix…they even have Pop Shop pop and Chris Brothers fried pepperoni….now I am lobbying for them to carry Propeller Root Beer

  3. I had a similar incident when I lived in northwestern Ontario. I had gone in to a pizza shop run by Greeks in Kenora and asked if they served donairs. The owner was at the counter at the time and he looked at me as if I were some kind of nut. He said he did not know what a donair was. I rather thought that was a bit odd seeing as its well known among other Greek owned pizza shops. Plus I described in full detail. Im sorry but if you own a pizza shop in Canada, you should learn what is generally served in most of them. Just my opinion………

  4. Everyone in Ontario needs to learn that a Halifax style Donair does exists in ontario but the real stuff is only available in Milton and in Burlington

  5. I am from Toronto and now live in Halifax. I had NO idea what a donair was until I moved here. Its NOT a thing in Toronto. Garlic fingers i am surprised about. That is just easy. In a way, it is garlic bread using pizza dough. I almost wish i had met the man before he moved to Toronto and we had had a food conversation. I’d hopefully have mentioned that there was no such thing as donair in Toronto, and that unless he knew the exact ingredients of donair sauce and they had all the ingredients, it would NOT be possible to get one. Expecting to be able to get one is almost like expecting to get certain foods popular in other countries that Canadians don’t know of and probably couldn’t simply magically produce

  6. Pingback: Drunk and disgruntled.... - HCS Snowmobile Forums

  7. Donair meat:
    5lb extra lean ground beef
    1/2tsp pepper
    1tsp cayenne
    1tsp oregano
    3 tsp msg (use what you want or skip)
    1 cup bread crumbs
    3tsp paprika
    2 tsp onion powder
    3tsp garlic powder
    1 tsp salt
    mix together completely, pack into a loaf pan, empty on a rack on a baking sheet, cook at 300 f for 3 hours

    donair sauce

    6oz evaporated milk
    3 oz sugar
    1/2-1tsp garlic powder
    (I also add same amount of cayenne for some kick)
    whip together with fork
    add 2-3tsp vinegar stir until it thickens
    keep refrigerated (efrigerating will thicken it some more as well.

  8. “The Lapine, a Canadian website satirizing local and national politics was founded in 2011 and has been gaining increasing press coverage from media outlets such as CTV.”

  9. I’m thinking if I moved out west or Central Canada I could get rich by starting a domain and garlic franchise! They are absolutely wonderful. They are also know as gyros, in higher end establishments.

    • I have a building with a pizza oven if you would like to move here it is in Langenburg Saskatchewan I moved out here 12 years ago from the maritimes. Good sized building asking 60,000 Pizza oven go with the building

  10. I’m thinking I could become wealthy if I moved west of Quebec and opened a pizza/donair/garlic finger shop. They are a maritime staple for a reason, they are delicious! Aka the gyro. Are there no gyros west of the maritime? They are sold in the states and I believe Britain. They are known to Michelin star chef Gordon Ramsey and his colleagues, also known by Australian chefs.

    • NO CAROL! NO!!! You keep saying gyros are the same as a donny. That’s like saying canned beer tastes like bottled beer. YOU CAN ALWAYS TASTE THE CAN!!! JAYSUS!!!

  11. This was pure satire, folks. You may all calm down now. Tronna may not know what donairs are, but garlic fingers? Great for laffs, like their mayor and their hockey team! lol

  12. If he had of asked for a Gyro he would have gotten a Donair.. lmao.. west of Quebec they are called Gyro’s and the meats a lil different

  13. Here is a sobering thought in reference to the aforementioned spelling error: the last reports re: Canadian illiteracy rates from Stats Canada that are referred to, but not available, online, were in 2008; they report that 40% of Canadians are illiterate, in reference to workplace functionality. The trend was higher in young persons. I am sure texting practices detract from these skills. Also the fact that phonics teaching were taken out of the grade school curriculum replaced with recognition of words by sight.

    • But in this case it obviously wasn’t due to illiteracy, obviously not being from the area caused the error. This article is a very clever sophisticated piece of satirical writing. Not seen often in the media today :)

  14. gyros and donairs are not the same thing, you once again prove you are not from the maritimes or know anything about donairs.

    • there used to be a Greco pizza in angus Ontario just outside cfb borden they sell donairs I don’t know why Greco isn’t in Ontario there awsome

      • NO, they aren’t the SAME but if you order it with just onions and tomatoes and NO SAUCE and bring your own sauce it is just fine. i am from the maritimes, and the lack of donair sauce everywhere other than east is devastating.

        • Well here is a little secret for ya…..make your own sauce with a can Of sweetened condensed milk, 2 tbsp of white vinegar and a bit of garlic and onion powder…that is it….byw using the sweetened condensed instead of evaporated with sugar creates a much smoother more consistent sauce

  15. In BC, you can get either a gyro or a donair depending on which restaurant you walk in to, though not at most pizza places. We also have garlic fingers, but they’re more likely to be called (Little Caesar’s) Crazy Bread/pizza bread/or garlic cheese sticks.

  16. If you want Donair head to the Fuzz Box on Danforth. The owner is from Kentville N.S.

    He makes it slighty different, but its still awesome and he also has brothers pepperoni.

  17. So I would just like to take this opportunity to let you maritimers know about my Donair restaurant in Oshawa, Ontario. It’s called downeast donairs. It is located at 23 bond street east Oshawa. You can come get your late night fixes on Friday and Saturday, were open until 3 am and 7 pm during the week. I would love to see all your smiling faces at my restaurant the next time you’re looking for a real Donair

    • Being a university educated Maritimer, I find your comment rather ignotant and offensive. 1. The Maritimes is home to a number of universities and colleges. Nova Scotia alone is home to Dalhousie University, St. Mary’s University, Mount Saint Vincent University, St. Francis Xavier University, Nova Scotia Community College, Eastern College, Maritime Business College, Nova Scotia College of art and Design etc.
      2. It is biased to assume we are all fisherman (in fact this is a rather dying and dated industry in the Maritimes)
      3. We are not all drunks so let’s not hurtfully label us all as such and give the Maritimes an unwarranted bad reputation
      4. Really, you’re going to assume we all can’t speak properly because of a typo and a few slang terms (btw I have never actually hear a Maritimer call a donair a Donny or use the term stunnered and I have lived there for 23 years!)
      Try to think with an open mind before posting biased generalizations in future.

  18. Louis-Gee’s in Gander Newfoundland does an amazing Donair. That said, I’m no longer in Newfoundland or the Maritimes so the story does capture a feeling I’ve all felt at times.

  19. Jam: you my friend are an “Upper Canadian Asshole” those fishermen and uneducated men that work in the woods…. Well they probably work harder than anyone else! But at least we are not a bunch of ignorant pricks. And last time I checked, when I go to the grocery store I don’t see a bunch of losers wearing their pants around their ankles…. And come to think of it, I don’t hear ” yo lets go for a ride in my whip” and “imma bust a gat” haha so I guess if that’s proper English then you are RIGHT we really don’t know how to talk! So next time you want to be an ignorant piece of shit you should really just take a look at your own f**ked up provance.

  20. That guy needs to go to Milton Ontario witch is only a 20 min drive from Toronto and he can get all the donairs and garlic fingers he wants at a place called Halifax donair

  21. Please stop calling any of these stupid idiots maritimer’s! They are just that complete idiots , a true maritimer would except that other provinces don’t know what these great food are and just continue on with their night wondering where the hell the next kitchen party would be at! From a true maritimer!

  22. this story is absolutely stupid and shame on anyone defending this insane, redneck moron. big fucking deal, donair isn’t even originally canadian.

  23. you guys are complaining about pizza place in ontario not having doniars, but mean wile in summerside pei, there is a pizza place called Micheals’ pizzeria that does not make anything at all with donair meat

  24. LOOKING FOR DONAIRS & GARLIC FINGERS IN OTTAWA?

    ONLY PLACE THAT SELLS THEM (ALL MADE FROM SCRATCH) IS AT 422 BRONSON AVE. CALLED “CENTERTOWN RESTOBAR” AKA “HALIFAX DONAIR”

    (=

    YOU’RE WELCOME.

  25. I have a feeling this story is meant to be a joke considering almost the entire country of Canada including nb is west of gaspe. The only part east is nfld and cape Breton. Btw I’m from nb and I can get a nb donair here in Vancouver. Lol

  26. Gyros are not fancy donairs, as I was telling Carol (stunned arse) earlier. That’s like saying canned beer tastes just as wonderful as bottled beer. YOU CAN ALWAYS TASTE THE CAN!!!

  27. Hard to.find a decent donair joint in Alberta. Tunis sweet sauce it’s called donair sauce!! Diced tomatoes and yellow onion (not red) sometimes shredded mozza cheese and loads of DONAIR sauce served open faced. Thats hoe it’s done!!

  28. I started making my own when I couldn’t get any out in the western provinces or very little I should say there are 4 pizza delights in AB which do serve Donair and garlic fingers these idiots obviously come from small little communities where their actions are let ride by their communities families and friends and for the record Donair meat is triple ground beef and a shit load of spices including garlic and peppers

  29. lol. this is crazy……….the comments… are you guys for real.
    nice story man. funny.. and a hint of truth too.
    stunnered… lol

  30. College Falafel at Ossignton serves an East Coast style donair. It won’t trick you into thinking you’re back in Halifax but it’s pretty good!

  31. Don ‘t forget the ever awesome Donair eggroll or Garlic fingers with Donair meat or deep fried panzerotti Donair from Valley Pizza. Best pizza with Donair meat comes from Shediac, N.B or Donair pouting from Alexandra’s in Moncton

  32. Well all they need to do is come to Ottawa only 5 hours away. There is lots of places here that server donairs. Toronto is deprived.

  33. Hi! I’ve been following your web site for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the good work!

  34. Thanks Kawa. Much appreciated. Now I’m going to have to google Huffman…I’ll fit it into a Lapine particle just for fun. (We call them ‘particles’ because they are articles that are partly true.) Watch for it Kawa.

  35. Jeez, By!!!! You guys don’t even know how to spell the name of your publication. She’s Alpine not Lapine… Jeez ya fellers are quite the bunch of stunned arses aren’t ya.

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