WINNIPEG — Minister of Finance, the Honourable Joe Oliver, announced today that Canada will officially resume production and distribution of the Canadian One Cent Piece.
“We have found a way to bring back the cherished coin so Canadians can start to collect pennies in coffee cans again,” said a beaming Oliver at a small media conference in Winnipeg.
“The original decision to kill the penny was due to the fact that it cost more than a penny to make a penny, and it was a pain in the Trudeau for consumers, retailers, and financial institutions to handle.”
Responding to questions if this means new job opportunities for Winnipeggers at The Royal Canadian Mint, Oliver responded, “I’m sorry to say the answer to that is no.”
“Having closely observed the U.S. Treasury’s recent program of outsourcing the manufacturing process of the USD $100 bills to China, I have concluded that it is a perfectly viable solution.”
“In our research we discovered that the Chinese company (Silk Alley Holdings Ltd.), which contracted with the U.S., has in fact subcontracted the job to an organization in Mumbai which does an outstanding job of manufacturing international coins, currencies and knock-off Salvador Dali prints.”
“We are proud to announce that we have reached an agreement with them to manufacture the new Canadian Pennies at a cost of 35 pennies for a nickel.”
The manufacturer’s representative Embleer Hraka of KasrahnInlé Unlimited in Mumbai, India, was quoted as saying, “We are so very excited about this new business partnership and eagerly await the opportunity to showcase our abilities in producing polimer [sic] currencies and genuine game-worn Wayne Gretzky memorabilia as well!”
Reportering for The Lapine