Canada Brings Back Penny — Minting Outsourced to China Who Out-Outsourced to India


WINNIPEG — Minister of Finance, the Honourable James Michael Flaherty, announced today that Canada will officially resume production and distribution of the Canadian One Cent Piece as of February 27th, 2014. 

“We have found a way to bring back the cherished coin so Canadians can start to collect pennies in coffee cans again,” said a beaming Flaherty to a small media conference in Winnipeg.

“The original decision to kill the penny was due to the fact that it cost more than a penny to make a penny, and it was a pain in the Trudeau for consumers, retailers, and financial institutions to handle.”

Responding to questions if this means new job opportunities for Winnipeggers at The Royal Canadian Mint, Flaherty responded, “I’m sorry to say the answer to that is no.”

“Having closely observed the U.S. Treasury’s recent program of outsourcing the manufacturing process of the USD $100 bills to China, I have concluded that it is a perfectly viable solution.”

“In our research we discovered that the Chinese company (Silk Alley Holdings Ltd.), which contracted with the U.S., has in fact subcontracted the job to an organization in Mumbai which does an outstanding job of manufacturing international coins, currencies and Salvador Dali prints.”

“We are proud to announce that we have reached an agreement with them to manufacture the new Canadian Pennies at a cost of 35 pennies for a nickel.”

The manufacturer’s representative Embleer Hraka of KasrahnInlé Unlimited in Mumbai, India, was quoted as saying, “We are so very excited about this new business partnership and eagerly await the opportunity to showcase our abilities in producing polimer [sic] currencies and game-worn Wayne Gretzky memorabilia as well!”

China’s Silk Alley previously held the contract to produce Canadian Tire Money until 2012 when the Canadian retailer cancelled the agreement after discovering that millions of dollars of car stereos, dashboard air fresheners, and air ionizers were purchased at their Richmond B.C. store with crisp Canadian Tire 10 Cent Bills and then shipped to Shanghai and Mumbai.
Lés Gocié
Reportering for The Lapine



Canada Brings Back Penny — Minting Outsourced to China Who Out-Outsourced to India — 32 Comments

  1. I think this Government has no idea what they want to do and it is obviously demonstrated by this piece of change back and forth besides they should get rid of plastic money and go back to paper while they are at it no one likes the slippery cash

  2. Why are you bringing back the stupid pennies, we were only too glad you got rid of them.
    I think the plastic bills suck too, they stick together too much. Paper is better.

  3. Not very many people seem to realize this is a joke. Kinda funny, well thought out, with a few good jabs. Overall, a C for effort and B for execution. F for those who believed it.

  4. a joke is a better joke when you tell people at the end that its a joke instead of leaving them scratching their heads. Why do we need to waste our time googling garbage just to find its a pathetic joke.

    • From our perspective, the primary goal of satire isn’t to make a joke. It is to make us all think about an absurdity by making that absurdity even more absurd. Our writers create satire from here, there, and everywhere, most recently from South Africa, and they all have a point they want to make by stretching the truth. Humor and satire should never come with a disclaimer at the end. If you grin, guffaw or even laugh that’s great. But if you hear the writer’s point, even if you’re left scratching your head, bingo.

    • Whoever doesn’t get that just from reading the article which is full of punch line and big time satire…. let’s just say they need to read more.

  5. YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING…………… outsourcing Canadian currency to one coutry who then passes it on to an other…….little by little our Canada is loosing it’s originality! You no longer have my vote…..
    Anyone out there with the same feeling?

  6. This is the stupidest thing I have read.
    It can’t be true.
    We look like idiots and to top it off, out source where Canadian money is made is ridiculous!!!!
    Is anything made here in our country.
    We are a country that can be self sufficient. And here we either give away or sell our natural resources.
    Then we are charged higher prices for the things that we are giving away…..
    And now getting other countries to make our money….unbelievable.

  7. You people are really slow…
    This a what passes for humour. Not real. A “joke”.
    The obvious anti good government people sure come streaming from the woodwork when an apparent opportunity comes to slag the conservatives. The fact you don’t even recognize this as fiction reveals you as low information voters.

  8. Great idea you morons……and what about factoring the shipping costs to ship those coins back to Canada? Did you idiots ever consider that?

  9. C’mon people you think the finance minister would have said “…pain in the Trudeau…” it’s a joke. Very funny :)

  10. Pingback: Re-geekin’ the 902: Canada is penniless | Name-Brand Ketchup.

  11. Joke or no joke this is how our country and the world is now completely ruled by greed . Whether good or garbage doesn’t matter its all about the cost and how much we can save by buying goods or manufacturing them anywhere but Canada ( China ,India, Thialand, etc. ) electronics ,clothes even your food .You have to look very hard to even buy cereal made in Canada anymore. Even if you can chances are its made from poisoned Chinese grain. We are going backwards in time to a place where a few people have everything and everyone else has nothing. How many people in Canada alone lost there jobs,houses ,cars and savings in 2008-09 when economy went in toilet ? Me for one 20 years in a factory gone to Ohio .Sure according to government we faired better than some countries and I did find another job eventually at about half my previous wages working for the Japanese Ha , at least their put together here anyways. Something to think about.

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