Politicians have rushed to tearfully capitalize off the horrific shooting that left twenty elementary school children dead and helped secure bipartisan support for a symbolic bill to ban water guns. As the political risk of banning real guns is too great politicians are instead trying to lay the blame “where the bad attitude towards guns truly starts.” Super Soaker water guns should be outlawed in the U.S. according to John Boehner and 42 other members of Congress.
On the heels of the indescribable murders of children and adults in Newtown, Connecticut, the nation is both sad and angry with social media sites overwhelmed with demands for immediate changes to gun laws but with gun advocates repeating their position that guns do not kill, people do.
Some gun supporters, including the National Rifle Association (NRA), have proposed that gun laws be loosened to allow easier purchase of weapons so that “more kind, decent Americans can shoot to defend themselves. As we have proven in the past private guns are a tool for the responsible to hold back tyranny.”
“Kids are important sort of miniature starter people,” said Boehner, on the steps of the D.C. Skeet and Country Club with NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre, speaking in front of a large American flag. “It all seems innocent enough when they start so young playing with these so-called toys around their swimming pools…but children get the wrong idea about how to handle a gun responsibly. That’s the problem right there and that’s the young tot attitude that my fellow Republicans and I are showing leadership to stomp out.”
The Super Soaker water guns and similar brands have reserve water tanks that can hold up to 4 gallons and can shoot a narrow spray up to 100 feet, making them an “automatic training gun” according to the GOP. The American Toy Makers’ Association responded immediately in opposition to the proposed ban but admit they are limited in their Congressional influence as a result of lobbying only 1/10,000th of the amount lobbied by the NRA. “We were very open to seeking solutions to make America safer,” said the NRA’s LaPierre. “We conducted a thorough analysis that included possible bans on garden-hose spray guns, paint ball games, and country fair balloon shooting games. We are still seriously discussing potato guns that put out more than 5 eyes last year alone.”
When asked about possible changes to the Second Amendment on the right to bear arms, Boehner told media that “Nutballs will find weapons. Gun restrictions do not work.” Really? There are more guns in America than people. Over 11,000 Americans will be shot to death this year.
By comparison, 175 Canadians, 158 Germans, 51 British, and 11 Japanese will be shot to death this year. 33 Americans will be shot to death TODAY.
Reporting for The Lapine