United States Acquires Maple Leaf Symbol

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In an expected move, the United States government finally closed their deal to acquire rights to the Canadian maple leaf. A symbol which was, in the past, a distinctly Canadian image. While still a closed deal, it is estimated that the Canadian government has received almost a billion dollars from the sale. Defending the buy, government spokesperson Jean Miquete claimed that Canada has earned far more for this Canadian Icon then they had for their best hockey players and the Inukshuk symbol combined.

The move however, has drawn harsh criticism from Canadian nationalists across all walks of life who claim that Canada is losing an integral part of its identity. However proponents of the move claim that the United States is actually far better positioned to market and benefit from, among other things, the classic maple leaf symbol.

Prime Minister Harper, positioned with a stark white flag in the background, endorsed this view on Thursday, claiming that Canada simply cannot compete with its flagging superpower to the south. Never the less, the deal will provide some concrete benefits to all Canadians in the form of a series of general tax cuts which have been subsidized by the selling of the maple leaf symbol.

Impending rumors among the highest echelons of government of another proposed deal have also reached The Lapine. This new proposal would seem to be made up, in a large part, by the selling of what would appear to be Canada’s inherent sovereignty. This can naturally be expected to draw further criticism from Canadian nationalists whom are still incensed by the previous selling of symbols once seen as classic Canadian icons.

Meanwhile China has launched an ongoing investigation, primarily as to how their own hard earned money is being spent by the Americans. Depending on the results of investigation and the decisions of various high level Chinese officials, the money from the possible new ‘sovereignty’ deal may be withdrawn. Whether this would be a good thing depends largely on ones own views and nationalistic leanings. For once, we at The Lapine let you decide.

Carl Welsenrey

Reporting From The Lapine

 


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