World Celebrates The Return Of The NHL


In an historic occasion and one which shall be remembered for all eternity, the NHL was bravely swept back into existence as negotiations between striking teams and their owners and league came to a conclusion. Vancouver is in an uproar as drunken parties rage deep into the night to honour of the triumph of the well paid hockey heroes. Never, not since the Olympics almost three years ago, has there been such a commotion and celebration of life and hockey.

“We did it, we actually did it,” was how one generic and unnamed Canuck’s fan put it, citing her innumerable contributions to the glorious win by people she had never met. “I can’t believe it. This is the best moment of my life,” is how another fan articulated his thoughts before passing out from a combination of drunkenness, exhaustion and ecstasy pills.

Unable to make much sense out of the anarchy which had overrun Vancouver’s streets, The Lapine went around the world to interview someone on every continent and find the views of other everyday people about how the return of the NHL has changed their lives.

Trong Tri, a poor Thai rice farmer in southern Asia, felt that the return of the NHL would go a long way to bringing about a new socio-economic equality to his stratified homeland. After all, many of the hockey players were from middle-class backgrounds yet ‘made it’ anyway to inspire the world. In Gaza, thousands of Palestinian refugees took to the streets in joyous celebration knowing that they would soon be able to, after almost seventy years, return home.

In both Australia and Europe; interviewees expressed the new hope for the future they felt at the timely return, saying that it would inspire them to be better people and strive harder to make the world a better place. In the Netherlands, it propelled the entire ‘Party for Freedom’ to resign. In the former republic of Yugoslavia, it led to instant reconciliation and a lot of awkward hugs as Croats, Serbs and Bosniaks embraced and forgave.

Skipping over Africa due to lack of time, our valiant reporters reached what is pretty much South America… Mexico, a region filled with a new vitality and tireless NHL-like energy to succeed. Pedro Lopez, an unemployed Mexican laborer living in Ciudad Juarez, hopes that the return of the NHL will open up new job opportunities for him; jobs which could allow him to adequately support the family he loves. Perhaps, with the sharply declining levels of cartel violence and crime in his home city after the return of the NHL, he may very well get his chance.

Finally, on the last continent on the map, to finish their round of excellent work, our reporters reached the United States for a final bout of honest reporting. However, despite our tireless attempts, none of the Americans we managed to interview knew about the NHL; expressing only a vague awareness about the existence of Canada itself. So perhaps America is still going downhill; perhaps not even the NHL, (or Obama) can save the citizens of the United States from themselves.

Nevertheless, today remains a day of victory, one which reaffirms life, the universe and everything

Carl Wellensry

Reporting For The Lapine.


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