After NDP takeover, CHAOS reigns in Alberta

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For the third consecutive day, the streets of Edmonton have rang out with such cries as “Glory to the workers!” or “Death to capitalism!” and more ominously, “Long live the Caliphate!”

We tracked down the architect of the NDP’s provincial coup. However, when asked if the rumors of “eating babies in polygamous orgies” were true, Comrade Notley refused to answer, simply looking at our valient reporter in disgust. Suspicious! As always we leave you, the reader, to come to your own conclusion of the NDP’s guilt.

Meanwhile, oil company stocks have been in free fall. Torch-wielding hippies, reinforced by torch-wielding islamists, have set the oil sands alight. According to us, the toxin laden smoke is probably visible from space. Ironically this could be causing more environmental damage than unconventional bitumin extraction ever could.

If the rumors are true, the anarchic streets of Calgary are no longer safe for a freethinking, self-reliant man to tread. And to top it off, the city seems to be following in Quebec’s footsteps in musing a ban on Cowboy hats. And the english language.

Following the NDP’s controversial legislation abolishing private property, we hit Edmonten’s streets to find out what the so called ‘commies’ were thinking. “Better that we are ALL poor than to have some of us richer than others…” A man who claimed to be an NDP analyst said. We took him at his word, and what words they were!

As Justice Minister Peter MacKay said (actually) “I was like- it’s Albertastan now”. That sums it up better than we at The Lapine ever could.

The Lapine’s corporate masters would like to remind all of our readers that we are better with Harper. May he reign long.

Brian Crestwaller
Reportering for The Lapine

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