Al-Baghdadi Surges in GOP Poll

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Days after delivering a fiery speech in Mosul, Iraq in which he denounced the “corrosive influence of western liberalism” ISIL leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has rocketed to the top of the Rasmussen poll for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination.   The survey, a year ahead of the Iowa caucuses, finds al-Baghdadi leading Senator Rand Paul 19 to 16 percent.  Governor Scott Walker follows in third at 12%.

Al-Baghdadi’s address in a Mosul mosque, seemingly timed to coincide with the Conservative Political Action Conference in Maryland, hammered reliable “red meat” issues that resonated with both audiences.  He lamented that “western women have forgotten their place – they think their bodies belong to them, that they should be paid equally.”  The ISIL head called homosexuality “an abomination” and warned that when a society’s schools and laws turn away from God, it is doomed.  The emir defended recent beheadings, explaining “mercy is God’s – if we go soft on transgressions, we invite more”.  Periodically, he raised an AK-47 in the air, ascribing the strength of his traditionalist movement to the freely obtainable guns:  “Allah, guns, and courage!”  He concluded with a wide-ranging condemnation of Barack Obama, confirming that the American president was indeed Satan.

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Cross tabulations for al-Baghdadi in the poll were impressive.  87% of respondents affirmed that he “reflects my conservative values”.

Follow-up personal interviews delved deeper into his appeal.  “He just checks all the boxes for me.  I like that he hates our president,” said Susan Pence of Lansing Michigan.  “Hope he has a birth certificate.”

Surprisingly, the firebrand’s religion was less of a hindrance than analysts had first predicted.  Joe Dillard of Denver intimated, “I like Rand Paul, but… I just don’t trust Aqua Buddhists.  At least Al Big Daddy, whatever he’s called, is from an Abrahamic faith?  So, he’s kinda like our cousin.”

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