Alberta Man Says He Might Not Vote for Conservatives

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CALGARY — A 47-year-old oil industry executive who insisted his identity be protected is being quoted by the Calgary Herald today as admitting that he may not vote for Stephen Harper’s Conservatives in the coming election.

And the newspaper says it will do everything it can to “get him the help he so desperately needs.”

“It came to me out of the blue at the Petroleum Club the other day,” said the unnamed Vice President of a major oil company.

“It was kind of a shocking moment when I realized that I wouldn’t lend my Lexus to Stephen Harper if he asked to borrow it.  It really stunned me to hear myself think that.”

“But please, please don’t use my name — I’ve got a wife and children to think of.”

Harper-Flippant-Copy-SizedThe father of three said he has voted Conservative all his life but is debating a change because the Prime Minister has become “sneaky creepy” and “actually believes the stuff he’s saying”.

“I know he sold his Calgary home after the NDP won the Alberta election but we haven’t seen him in his Calgary riding for nearly two years,” the man told a Herald reporter.

“And from what I see on the news, Stephen’s come a bit unglued.”

Harper-All-Other-Leaders-SizedUntil recently, the Geology VP sat on Harper’s Calgary Southwest Riding Association in a fund-raising capacity but he now says he’s considering voting either NDP or Liberal, thoughts he admits he never believed possible.

“I’ve even woken up a few mornings thinking about the Green Party…what’s that woman’s name again? The one Stephen won’t debate any more?” said the Calgary man.

In the 2011 federal election, as in all recent elections, Alberta voted overwhelmingly Conservative — 25 of the province’s 26 ridings went to the party. The sole exception was Edmonton Strathcona NDP MP Linda Duncan who the Herald reported at the time only won because she dated Stephen Harper in University.

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Herald Editorial Page Editor David Marsden wrote in today’s paper that he is willing to conduct an intervention on the oilman.

“I know this gentleman and we’ve all noticed his slow slide into confusion,” said the member of the Herald’s Editorial Board. “He started saying things about the environment, and First Nations, and the economy.  He even said out loud that there are no terrorists hiding among us.”

The oil executive gave his interview to the Herald only with a rigid confidentiality agreement in place but now says he will no longer talk to any media as he is very concerned about his career.

“He’s terrified of being outed,” his lawyer told The Globe and Mail earlier today.

The Conservative-supportive Herald published that they will pay for psychological rehab as a community outreach to “this confused but previously upstanding Albertan.”

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“The first step is he has to admit he has a problem,” said Marsden.

“Then he can become himself again with the truth.”

“For example, does he know that Justin Trudeau had massive beauty work done on his nose?  Does he know that Thomas Mulcair dresses up in women’s clothing every weekend?”

“Does he know that Prime Minister Harper donated a kidney to a dying First Nations elder and banned the media from talking about it?”

“This is a good man and we’re not giving up on him.”

Prime Minister Harper issued a brief statement following the Herald news story stating that “terrorists are still bloody everywhere”.

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine

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