Ashley Madison is Back With Free Baby Duck Wine to Keep Members Cheating (VIDEO)
TORONTO — Infidelity site Ashley Madison is betting big that “one little leak” won’t stop their cheating members from wanting to get back in the sleeping-around-with-total-strangers game.
So the Canadian-based company has launched a massive program to give away up to 2 million gift baskets filled with “everything an aspiring adulterer needs to get back on the prowl.”
Like a bottle of Baby Duck.
Condoms and a 1-litre bottle of Drakkar Noir cologne.
A silk shirt and skinny jeans.
And a one-night gift certificate to Holiday Inn Express.
“Having your personal fantasies exposed to your wife, lover, friends, family, bosses, colleagues, neighbors, local media…everyone really…is not fun we know,” said Rizwan Jiwan, COO of Ashley Madison parent company Avid Life Media.
“But when you fall off the ‘hores — haha — you’ve got to get right back in the saddle.”
“Our members have been faithful to us while being unfaithful to the special person in their lives…and we want them to just keep on fu…well, you get it.”
Widely seen as either a desperate move or a marketing master stroke, the multi-million dollar program is flooding the internet and Rizwan reports that members in the tens of thousands called the toll free number (1-866-744-2218) to get their free “smooth moves seduction tools” within minutes of the promotion’s launch.
“All you have to do is call and tell us that your wife or lover found out you were in the Ashley Madison game and kicked you out,” said Rizwan.
“Then we’ll FedEx you everything you need to get back in the game in style.”
“Your mailing address is 100% secure and safe with Ashley Madison.”
When asked by the NY Times about the nearly $1 billion in lawsuits launched against the cheating site in the U.S. and Canada, Jizwa laughed and offered reporters a red plastic beer cup of Baby Duck Sparkling Wine.
“Look. Everybody who joined Ashley Madison went into it with their eyes and their zippers open,” said Rizwan.
“Life’s short. Have an affair. Hell, have a half dozen. They’re cheap. Hahaha.”
Reportering for The Lapine