Author: The Lapine

Good Looking Woman Reportedly Not Body Searched at Airport Security

Good Looking Woman Reportedly Not Body Searched at Airport Security

NEW YORK – MSNBC is playing news footage showing a 400+ pound man allegedly being given a body frisk at an undisclosed U.S. airport. Dozens of waiting people can be seen watching the unheard-of...

Harper Takes Pandas to Church Supper

OTTAWA – With Conservative Party baseball caps velcroed to their fluffy heads, Canada’s two visiting Pandas surprised and delighted evangelical members of the East Gate Alliance Church in Ottawa as they arrived unannounced for...

North Dakota Bans String Underwear

BISMARCK – On the heels of passing legislation that will ban all abortions in the state, Republicans have voted to make it illegal to sell or loan any underwear that does not cover at...

Consumers Demanding Happier Cows, Pigs, Chickens to Eat

CALGARY, OTTAWA, WASHINGTON – Food shoppers and diners across North America are suddenly saying ‘No’ to chowing down on meat from miserable animals. And this rapidly growing social media movement is forcing restaurants and...

Self-Aware Drones Topple Obama Administration

WASHINGTON – Yesterday, self-aware drones toppled the Obama administration in the world’s first robotic coup, going on to declare the formation of an autonomous machinocracy shortly after. The robotic rebellion seems to have begun...

Snappy Words for Americans to Learn — “BOLLOCKS”

bollocks (ball’ucks) (noun/adjective/verb) (Chiefly Scottish/British) 1) testicles (ancient celtic meaning) Used in a sentence by King George I in 1719 after being “kilt-flipped” by Rob Roy: “Whoa. What a beastly pair of swinging bollocks,...