Barbie Turns 55 — Still Has a 16 Inch Waist

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Barbie-Wallpapers-Cartoons-Disney-e1405610118291EL SEGUNDO, CA — 32-16-29.

If Barbie was a real person that’s how she’d stack up in the figure department as Mattel Inc. celebrated her 55th birthday today with fat-free carrot cake and sugarless soy ice cream.

Her head (22″) would be bigger than her waist (16″).

Her ankles (6″) would not be able to carry even her tiny weight (100 lbs.)

“Barbie has still got it all goin’ on,” said Mattel CEO Bryan G. Stockton after he and more than 1,000 employees finished singing ‘Happy Birthday to You’ in the Barbie and Ken Amphitheater.

“Over the decades, she’s been a firefighter’s hose assistant, back-up astronaut, nurse, secretary, faithful girlfriend…and she’s done it all lookin’ pretty damn fine I must say.”

“And keeping with the times, we’re just launched Entrepreneur Barbie to help little girls imagine themselves starting their own little scrapbooking or doggie-walking home business.”

BarbieasMcDonaldsWorker

Introduced in 1959, Barbie dolls have consistently been a top global seller with more than 1.5 billion sold in more than 150 countries. Three Barbies are sold every second somewhere in the world according to Mattel. Sales of Ken dolls have dropped to one every week since the 2013 internet rumor that he is a closet gay.

“Women aren’t built like Barbie…all breasts and teeny waists,” said Adele Waters of the Seattle-based organization Parents For Fair Toys (PFFT).

“It might be some men’s effed-up fantasy but it ain’t effing real.”

“She’s a terrible role model for young girls. And Ken’s no great example for boys with his 24 inch waist and manly 42 inch chest.”

“If you saw a real person with Barbie’s or Ken’s figure, you’d call an ambulance.”

Barbie has not been without controversy over the course of her shelf life including massive protests when Mattel gave her nipples and pubic hair in 2004 before quickly recalling more than 1 million of the anatomically semi-correct dolls from toy stores.

“The new Barbie comes in a pretty little Lululemon yoga outfit,” said Stockton.

“We like to keep up with the times.”

Sue Dunum
Reportering for The Lapine

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