Big Mac Special Sauce Now Being Sold in Grocery Stores — “You’ll Love It On Toast Too!”

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NEW YORK — McDonald’s announced today that its Big Mac Special Sauce made famous in the jingle “two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun” is coming to your favorite food store.

And the fast-food giant hopes you’ll start making your own version of the two-patty burger right in your own home.

And try it on toast among other things.

“Your grocery list just got way, way more exciting,” said McDonald’s incoming CEO Steve Easterbrook in making the announcement from a downtown Manhattan McDonald’s.

“The Big Mac Special Sauce that you love is now available at all Walmart stores across America…and it comes in a handy squeezy bottle.”

The move to sell the special sauce comes as the multi-national fast-food company faces rapidly declining sales due to people over 30 eating less McDonald’s food and people under 30 refusing to eat the crap.

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“Chefs and foodies have been begging us for years to sell them our Special Sauce,” said Easterbrook.

“Now it’s here! And it’s great for more than just hamburgers and other meat. Try it drizzled on pop corn…add some zing to your boring breakfast cereal…or stir some into your rum and coke for something a little different!”

The recipe for the Big Mac Special Sauce was kept a company secret for decades following its introduction in 1974, but was posted on the internet last year by the international whistle-blowing group Wikileaks. The leaked recipe revealed that there is no secret ingredient in the sauce and it is in fact just “Kraft Miracle Whip with lots of relish and some garlic powder”.

“I like to have a big spoonful right out of the bottle whenever I need an energy boost,” said Easterbrook as he squooshed out soup spoonfuls of Special Sauce for media.

All but one reporter declined.

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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