Black Santa Claus Shot By Stand-Your-Ground Homeowner

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MIAMI — Tragedy struck late Christmas night when a black Santa Claus was shot several times, steps away from the fireplace with a sack of toys and gifts at his feet.

Mistaking him for an intruder, local homeowner Bob Jobberman told the Miami Herald he shot black Santa Claus “right in the big fat butt” as the man entered his home.

Initially seeing the flash of white and jolly red, the homeowner was pleased to see his holiday dream for gifts coming true. However, after a few seconds, he realized it was “for damn sure a robbery” after he recalled Fox news Anchor Megyn Kelly saying over and over that Santa, like Jesus, is white.

Unapologetic, Bob Jobberman defended his actions to media.

“I see a black man in my house…it’s my right to defend my LG 49″ flatscreen. No damn fake Santa gonna take ma ‘lectronics.”

The ACLU condemned the shooting, claiming that the real Santa was either colorless or black or some ‘interesting mix of shades’.  Elves, however, are 100% white, the ACLU conceded.

Homeowner, Bob Jobberman cited Florida’s stand your ground laws as a precedent for opening fire, and all charges were dropped after Santa was identified and EMT staff found that the man was uninjured as the shots missed completely but did hit Santa’s sack.   

Jim Habbirty
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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