BREAKING: Boehner Given Pink Slip
WASHINGTON — Besieged House Speaker John Boehner got the pink slip from his fellow Republican Congressmen this morning.
But not the ‘You’re Fired’ sort of pink slip.
With single strand shoulder straps and subtle floral embroidery.
In what is being called either a very funny prank or a kinky/creepy hint of a real pink slip to come, the bright pink undergarment arrived at Boehner’s offices earlier today with no names attached to the parcel but with the hand-written FedEx slip showing the sender as the “House of Representatives Tea Party Caucus & Gift Shoop” (sic).
“Look. Republicans are one big, happy, crazy family. Sending each other women’s underwear is what families do sometimes,” said an unnamed senior aide in Boehner’s office.
“The Speaker’s job is not at risk. It’s just some of the guys and gals horsin’ around…givin’ the gears to ol’ Johnny boy.”
“They sent him white tube socks after the last session ended without the House passing a single bill….hahaha. Good times.”
Boehner has been under pressure from Democrats for inviting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to lecture Congress about getting President Obama to bomb the ever-loving crap out of Iran. And he has been under an internal squeeze from some Republicans for being a useless, spineless twat of a leader unable to pass even a DHS funding bill that would have scrapped Obama’s totally illegal immigration directives.
“Mr. Boehner is in charge and master of his domain and steering the ship and leading his troops and on top of things and in control and has a strategy all worked out and…,” said the aide, pausing to hold up the shiny pink slip for media to see.
“And…the slip didn’t fit him by the way.”
Reportering for The Lapine