BREAKING — Jon Stewart Going to Canada to Cover Their “Bullshit Mountain” Election
NEW YORK — America’s most popular political satirist Jon Stewart dropped a bombshell this morning, announcing that he is heading north to host a Canadian version of The Daily Show that will be broadcast from “a rented garage only blocks from Stephen Harper’s mansion.”
(Editor’s Note: Stephen Harper is Canada’s long-standing Prime Minister currently seeking re-election to a fourth term.)
“Canada’s political bullshit mountain is even bullshittier than ours,” the former Daily Show host told ABC’s Good Morning America while wearing a Toronto Blue Jays baseball cap.
“Don’t get me wrong. I love Canadians…they’re like us only they put gravy and these cheese turds on their fries, and they don’t carry guns when they go to buy tube socks at Walmart.”
“But I’ve got to say that some weird stuff is going on up there right now…like creepy ooga booga boogie man kinda stuff.”
“It’s like Canada can’t decide whether to be more and more like the U.S. or, you know, sane.”
“Canada used to be such a nice country.”
U.S. broadcaster Comedy Central and Canadian re-broadcaster The Comedy Network confirmed this morning that Stewart’s “The Daily Show From Canada” will air in both countries, according to the New York Times online edition.
The Times is also reporting that Stewart’s famous “Best Fucking News Team Ever” is joining the show in temporarily relocating to Canada but will be referred to as the “Best Frigging News Team Ever” to meet Canadian broadcasting standards and avoid offending anyone at all.
“Ted Cruz was born in Canada — not Canadians’ fault — but there must be something in the beer or water up there,” said Stewart
“Yeah, Teddie boy is a fear mongerer but when it comes to scaring the shit out of people, he’s just an econo pack of Stephen Harper lite. An amateur, I tell ya’.”
“Stephen Harper was only 12 when Ted was born but Harper’s listed on the birth certificate as Godfather…explain that one.”
“So their election is in October and I’ll be broadcasting every night from Ottawa unless Prime Minister Harper invites me on his campaign jet — subject to a security background check and cavity body searches of course.”
(Editor’s Note: Ottawa is the capital city of Canada.)
Prime Minister Harper is currently campaigning north of the Arctic Circle and was unreachable for comment.
Reportering for The Lapine