Canada Considers Buying a “Few Small” Nuclear Weapons



OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper told a fundraiser last night that he is giving serious thought to buying “a half dozen or maybe a dozen” nuclear bombs.

“They would be solely for defensive purposes but will send a message to terrorists and my fellow global leaders that you don’t mess with Canada,” said Harper to enthusiastic response from the business audience.

Conservative MPs were taken by surprise by the announcement but one Minister told the Toronto Star off the record that he suspected the PM “was up to something. Steve gets almost secretive…in a good way…when he’s about to drop a bombshell. He’s a lovable goof really.”

Liberal leader Justin Trudeau called the move “macho-man madness” while NDP leader Thomas Mulcair mostly just yelled swear words at reporters.

“The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear missile is with a good guy with a nuclear missile,” said Harper to loud applause.

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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