Canadian Jets Terrify Putin
ST. PUTINSBURG — The imminent arrival in eastern Europe of a formidable force of Canadian warplanes has military heads in this Russian capital (formerly known as Moscow) in a near panic according to a report in the New York Times.
Kremlin insiders have revealed Russian President Vladimir Putin is prostrate with terror.
“Yerse, the president, he got the willies over this threat,” a Lapine reporterer was told by a presidential aide (who asked his name be withheld).
“He not worried about US Marine Corps or B-52 bombers. But Canadian fighter jets? Oh jeeze!”
No fewer than six Canadian CF-18s are being deployed to counter Russia’s aggressive build-up on the borders of Ukraine.
The plane went into service as the ultimate air-supremacy fighter.
It has seen action in the Gulf war (1991), Bosnia– Herzegovina (1997- 2000), Libya (2011) and has done numerous fly-overs at Grey Cup Games.
The CF-18 was originally designed by McDonnell-Douglas for the US navy. It comes with folding wings, four cup holders, and an arrester hook, which will be useful should Canada ever acquire an aircraft carrier.
Mr. Putin is said to have retired to his bed and to be receiving large doses of tranquilizers. His mother has arrived with his security blanket.
In Ottawa, the mood is upbeat. “This shows nobody messes with this country,” said Colonel Marylou Butcher, spokesman (sic) at the Department of Defence.
“It’s just a shame that idiot Diefenbaker got rid of the Avro Arrow.”
Reportering for The Lapine