Canadians Go Gung-Ho for Toronto’s Separation Bid


TORONTO – Although only one third of those polled in this city agree that it “should become an independent nation”, it is almost certain that an emerging Toronto separation vote will take place according to poll results released today.

“That’s because we also also surveyed Canadians outside Toronto who say they’d cut their big toe off rather than live there,” explained John A. MacBadger, operations manager of Gallup.

“The boondocks poll showed that 92 percent of other Canadians favour immediate independence for Toronto.”

“Actually, the numbers outside Ontario showed 98 percent willing to make a donation of at least 5 loonies towards the Toronto separation cause. In Quebec, many respondents said they’d happily abandon their own sovereignty option if Toronto just went away.”


The campaigners for the Yes vote claim Toronto would keep the Canadian dollar as the new country’s currency. Commented Premier Brad Wall of Saskatchewan: “So what? Toronto has always kept most of the Canadian dollars anyway.”

The campaign was initially led by the incumbent mayor who was expected to declare himself King. That role is now expected to go to a member of his family.

The poll is considered to be 45% accurate one time out of 20. “It’s usually better than that,” admitted MacBadger. “But Toronto’s a special case.”

“Of the people we interviewed there for example, only one in five could name the capitol of British Columbia.”

“And none could spell Saskatchewan.”

Jim Garner
Reportering for The Lapine



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