Category: Canada

Canada Pledges To Politely Assert Arctic Sovereignty

OTTAWA — In a blunt saber-rattling affair today, Government Spokesperson Miguel Carnett asserted Canada’s arctic sovereignty, stating that Canada would take whatever steps necessary to defend its arctic claims…as long as, of course, it...

CSIS’s Petition For Hollywood Blockbuster Denied

OTTAWA -CSIS, Canada’s clandestine spy agency, has been formally rejected by several notable Hollywood directors in a petition for the creation of a blockbuster about CSIS. Tom Hikes, an CSIS spokesman said that the...

PETA Activists Invited To Protest At Upcoming Hockey Game

In an attempt to increase viewership with a socially conscious message, the NHL has invited several topless PETA activists from Vancouver to protest during the Stanley Cup halftime. NHL spokesman Brian Grider, even invited...

Half-Quebecois Man Separates From Himself

MONTREAL -In a major innovative surgical operation and one of the first of its kind, Quebec resident Antoine Lavoie successfully separated from himself, though sadly, he died shortly afterwards. Born to a Quebecois father...

Quebec Bans The Use Of Lawnmowers

Despite the decimation of the Bloc Quebecois in the last federal election, Quebec has managed to pass a controversial new law to protect French culture within the province. Bill 92, introduced by the Bloc...

Ogopogo Attack Hospitalises Victim

It had always been Hailey’s dream to find the Ogopogo. Relatives fondly recall memories of Hailey’s past adventures exploring Okanogan Lake. “She would always be down at the lake. Wanting to see the massive...