Category: U.S.

North Dakota Bans String Underwear

BISMARCK – On the heels of passing legislation that will ban all abortions in the state, Republicans have voted to make it illegal to sell or loan any underwear that does not cover at...

Consumers Demanding Happier Cows, Pigs, Chickens to Eat

CALGARY, OTTAWA, WASHINGTON – Food shoppers and diners across North America are suddenly saying ‘No’ to chowing down on meat from miserable animals. And this rapidly growing social media movement is forcing restaurants and...

Self-Aware Drones Topple Obama Administration

WASHINGTON – Yesterday, self-aware drones toppled the Obama administration in the world’s first robotic coup, going on to declare the formation of an autonomous machinocracy shortly after. The robotic rebellion seems to have begun...

Snappy Words for Americans to Learn — “BOLLOCKS”

bollocks (ball’ucks) (noun/adjective/verb) (Chiefly Scottish/British) 1) testicles (ancient celtic meaning) Used in a sentence by King George I in 1719 after being “kilt-flipped” by Rob Roy: “Whoa. What a beastly pair of swinging bollocks,...

Most U.S. Males Pet-Name Their Penises

NEW YORK -The World Health Organization has released a mental health study that shows American women are largely stable and well-adjusted, but a high percentage of American men are borderline delusional, are prone to...

Merged American Airlines to Charge 50 Cents to Use Toilet

NEW YORK -The newly created largest airline in the world will turn 439,000 daily toilet flushes into nearly a quarter of a million dollars revenue by charging two quarters for passengers to get an...