Circumcised Men Sue Doctors, Parents


LOS ANGELES — A group of 104 middle-aged men launched a $50 million class-action lawsuit against their parents and the American Medical Association today claiming “unnecessary and disfiguring surgery” was performed on them “prior to having the ability to comprehend or consent.”

The men were all circumcised in the hours after birth or prior to their tenth birthday.

“I dream of having a foreskin,” 46-year-old IT programmer Robert Simmons told the L.A. Times.

“A half inch of me was cut away with scissors for what reason? So I would have a thingee just like my Dad and his Dad before him?”

Religious reasons aside primarily for Jewish and Islamic males, the group’s claim states that doctors were well aware that there were no medical justifications for the surgical removal of the prepuce (foreskin) from the glans (bulbous head) of their peckers (penises).

“I sometimes think my skin’s all still there…and man I swear I can feel it itch sometimes,” said lawyer Brian Wilder (34) who wasn’t circumcised until he was 9.

“Why did my parents think this was a good idea?”

Medical research has shown benefits for both clipped and unclipped men.

Uncircumcised men have been proven to have measurably higher levels of sexual pleasure while circumcised men have a recorded 38 – 45% lower chance of contracting nasty, oozing sexually transmitted disease (STDs).

“I feel like a freak when I go for a swim at the Y,” said landscaper Miles Bosco (28).

“I sometimes shower in my Speedo just to avoid the skinners staring and pointing.”

U.S. and Canadian circumcision surgery rates have fallen from 89% in 1980 to 41% in 2013 with the highest rates being for males born into households with average incomes above $250,000. These figures do not include circumcisions performed at home.

“What crazed person came up with the idea of cutting away part of a baby’s dink? It’s insane when you think about it,” added Bosco before heading in to the L.A. Federal Courthouse.


Sue Dunum
Reportering for The Lapine



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