Condom Panic Hits N.Y. as Snow Storm Looms



NEW YORK — Governor Andrew Cuomo has issued an emergency appeal to New York men to be realistic about how much sex they will have during the looming snow storm and stop buying condoms by the boxful.

“Come on guys…get real here,” Cuomo said on a live TV broadcast that interrupted regular programming.

“It’s good to be optimistic but do you really need 200 Trojans for a two-day storm? Nobody copulates that much pal.”

“New York is running out of condoms…never thought I’d say that sentence.”


The Governor’s office is advising New Yorkers to ensure they have reserves of food and bottled water as Fox News reports that up to 11 feet of snow could hit the state.

Toronto Mayor John Tory has reportedly ordered a convoy of Toronto Transit buses to brave the storm and make the 8-hour drive to New York with an estimated 50,000 Durex Pleasure Rib condoms in various sizes.

“I know New York would do the same for Toronto men if we were socked by a storm like this one,” said Tory.

“We’ve got you covered guys…so to speak.”

Cuomo and New York Mayor Bill de Blasio will be issuing updates on the condom situation throughout the day.

“Leave some for someone else,” pleaded de Blasio.

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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