“Stand Your Ground” Law Confuses Armed Floridians Who Defend Themselves From Sinkhole



CLERMONT, FLA. — Misinterpreting Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” laws, up to two dozen people refused to leave the Summer Bay Resort as one complete building was swallowed by a 100-foot sinkhole.

“One man was shouting from a balcony that George Washington died so he could stand his ground,” said Clermont Police Department Spokesperson Eduard Lacosta, shaking his head.

“I had no answer for that.”

As the three-story, pink stucco building started to rapidly disappear into the ground, the protesters could be heard shouting “this is Florida, dammit, and I’m defending my territory”.  Some began singing the national anthem and firing off weapons in the general direction of the crater eating their building and several Honda Civics, a Hyundai, and an off-duty ice cream truck.

When the dust settled, fire and EMT personnel moved in quickly, treating and releasing 14 people at the scene, and transporting 11 to the hospital with various minor injuries including cuts, several broken arms and legs, four complaints of chest pain, and one gunshot wound to the foot.

Police say it was fortunate nobody was killed and confiscated 19 hand-guns, 8 knives, and a duct-taped roll of quarters at the scene.  Charges are pending.

“I got off a few good rounds today in all that noise,” said 72-year-old Roseanne Witcher as she was helped by paramedics to look for her false teeth in the rubble. “It is my God-given right to fire my gun at anyone who gives me guff.”

The State of Florida is currently reviewing the Stand Your Ground laws following recent news that George Zimmerman is still George Zimmerman.

Republican Governor Rick Scott told FOX News that since this latest incident he will ensure that the law is changed to “cover standing by your sinkholes.”

Lou Dairies
Reportering for The Lapine



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