Cruz Says He Sings ‘‘God Bless America” While Making Patriotic, Christian Love



CHARLESTON, SC — GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz delivered some bedroom advice to supporters today on how to add patriotism to the “unclothed evenings” of their marriage while at the same time keeping God actively involved.

Cruz suggested at a church rally this morning that married Christian couples should sing the anthemish song “God Bless America” while they take part in ‘marital coupling’.

Just like Ted and his wife Heidi do at the top of their lungs once a week, says Ted.


Preaching to a South Carolina congregation of nearly 500 supporters, Cruz said that he and his investment banker wife Heidi put on the Kate Smith version of “God Bless America” every Tuesday during their husband and wife nights to “feel the power of the Lord and the love of our country.”

“The love a husband gives his wife is a gift from God,” said Cruz (45), his wife Heidi (43) nodding in the front row of the First Assembly of God church.

“But God wants us to keep that gift as uplifting as possible. So God gave husbands music to woo their wives. Beautiful, swelling music.”


“Join me!” Cruz shouted out to the congregation before bellowing into the song.

From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foammmmmm,
God bless America, My home sweet home.”

“And to that Heidi and I sing. Oh, how we sing!”


Several dozen churchgoers were seen leaving during the Cruz sermon with one member of the First Assembly telling reporters that the sermon was in poor taste and that she did not welcome the image of Ted Cruz being naked, having sex, and singing.

“Just the mental picture of Ted Cruz scre…no, no, no. I can’t even say it,” said the woman who has not to be identified.

Cruz continued his sermon despite the many people leaving and went on to talk about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman, the importance of having Jesus involved in the war on terrorism, and some of the foolish crushes he had on famous women back in his college days.


“Vanna White was my go-to girl on dorm study nights,” said Cruz to some uncomfortable shuffling in the church.

“Okay, okay…Pat Benetar or Meg Ryan in a pinch. Or Lonnie Anderson. Or Olivia Newton-John.”

CNN is reporting that Heidi Cruz was seen handing out sheets of the lyrics to God Bless America at a tea and scone reception following her husband’s talk.

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine




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