Dandelions Sprout at North Pole
ELLESMERE ISLAND — A team of Canadian scientists studying the polar ice melt this month were surprised and shocked to discover weeds growing at the magnetic North Pole.
Dandelions have arrived at the top of the world.
“First thing we saw was a polar bear eating dandelions. What’s wrong with this picture?” lead glaciologist Dr. Eve Waters told CBC.
“Polar bears are not naturally vegetarians. And what the hell are dandelions doing growing at the North Pole?”
“There was crab grass all around the base of the Russian flag pole.”
Both the North and South Poles have recorded temperatures warming faster than the rest of the planet with an increase of 5.4 degrees Fahrenheit (14.7 degree Celsius) since 1990. Inuit living north of the Arctic Circle near the remote settlement of Alert have recently opened a 9-hole golf course and spa resort in hopes of attracting tourists to boost the local economy.
“Don’t lose any sleep over the North Pole melting,” said Richard Black, Chief Financial Officer with the American Petroleum Institute.
“Ice melts. Ice freezes again. It’s Mother’s Nature’s natural cycle.”
“Global warming is all in your head. It snowed in Dallas this past winter for Pete’s sake.”
Satellite photo tracking shows the North Pole ice cap shrank by 293,000 square miles (760,000 square kilometers) since 2007. Texas is 268,820 square miles (696,241 square kilometers).
“Dandelions are actually very pretty and they’re edible,” said Black.
“So relax. Fire up the gas barbecue, grill up some burgers and use dandelion leaves instead of lettuce.”
“Dandelion wine goes well with any meal by the way.”
Reportering for The Lapine