“Dinner With Stephen Harper” Contest Cancelled

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OTTAWA – Turns out only a handful of Canadians want to chow down with the PM.

And most of them are his aunts, uncles, cousins, and his half-brother Luke.

Despite being heavily promoted as the chance to “Dine With Your Leader”, extremely poor ticket sales have forced the Conservative Party of Canada to cancel a fundraiser with the grand prize of a dinner for two with Prime Minister Stephen Harper all inclusive, tipping not included.

A document obtained by the Toronto Star shows that only 48 of the 10,000 tickets at $100 each were sold for the draw, with 41 of them being purchased by people with the last name Harper. Five draw tickets were sold to media reporters, one of whom said he was hoping to win so he could “at least get Mr. Harper to open his mouth.”

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One ticket was sold to Liberal leader Justin Trudeau. And the final ticket was sold to an 82-year-old legally blind Hamilton woman who actually bought the ticket by mistake online while trying to order a set of closet storage bags “that you use a vacuum to suck the air out of”.

“The Party has decided to forego this opportunity for a proud Canadian to dine and converse with the Prime Minister so that Mr. Harper can instead focus on world leaderly things,” read a short statement from the PMO in refuting the almost complete lack of interest by Canadians in eating with Mr. Harper.

The fundraiser was targeted to raise $1 million for the national party with the grand prize for two to include flights to and from Ottawa aboard Royal Canadian Airforce 1, overnight accommodations in the servants’ dorm at 24 Sussex Drive, and dinner at the infamous Members-of-Parliament-Only Restaurant with after-dinner musical entertainment provided by Mr. Harper on his organ.

Other prizes included autographed photos, tax deductions, and CDs of the soon-to-be-released “Stephen Harper Rocks The Rolling Stones Early Hits Accompanying Himself On Ukelele.”

Full ticket refunds less a handling fee and GST are available through Ticketmaster (www.ticketmaster.ca). Tax receipts will only be issued for those who do not request a refund.

Dan Yube
Reportering for The Lapine

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