Dog Poop Crisis Looms as California Bans Plastic Bags


DogPoopWideAndShortLOS ANGELES — L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti said today they he fully supports Governor Jerry Brown’s state-wide ban on single-use plastic bags but worries that “dog plops will pile up everywhere.”

“Your average dog grunts out at least a half-pounder a day,” Garcetti told the Times.

“And we’ve got nearly 10 million pet dogs in the state so do the math….5 million pounds of canine crap every day that people won’t have plastic bags to pick up with anymore.”

“That’s 35 million pounds a week…1,820 million pounds of digested Kibbles ‘n Bits a year.”

“It’s got to be said bluntly. There will be dog shit everywhere.”

Los Angeles has a plastic bag ban in place as of July 1st this year but the city has put the law on hold pending the outcome of a lawsuit filed after a nun broke her tail bone after reportedly slipping on poodle excrement along the Hollywood Walk of Fame.


The State of California passed bill SB270 becoming the first state that will ban plastic bag usage in grocery stores, liquor stores and medical marijuana joints by 2016. Currently Californians use over 13 billion such bags a year and often re-use them mostly for under-the-kitchen-sink garbage bags, picking up after their dogs, or sniffing glue.

“It’s one thing if you’ve only got one of those miniature dogs you carry in your purse…you can just use a Starbucks cup or something,” said Garcetti.

“But most of California’s dogs are rescue dogs and everyone knows those things have scary bowel movements.”

Plastic bag manufacturers had aggressively pushed back against SB270 through their trade group, the American Patriotic Bag Alliance (PABA), claiming Californians were entitled to use plastic bags under “one of the Amendments in the Bill of Rights.”

“What is this world coming to if law-abiding citizens are denied the right to use the bag of their choice to stoop and scoop pooch poop?” said an angry Walter deBusch, CEO of PABA.

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency says that plastic bags can take more than 500 years to decompose compared to dog feces that typically breaks down within 2 weeks unless the dog ate a tennis ball or squeaky toy.

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine



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