Duffy Gets Lost — Asks Tourists for Directions to Senate Chamber

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li-duffy-rtxzyc5 OTTAWA – With the Senate convening to debate his proposed suspension today, Senator Mike Duffy attempted to sit in on the meeting but got lost on Parliament Hill on his way.

While trying to get to the Senate Chamber to watch his fate be decided live, Duffy got lost for hours and was captured on security cameras roaming all wings of Parliament. One staff member stated she heard him mumbling that he hadn’t “been there in forever” and that usually he just followed other Senators in to the Chamber from the parking lot.

Joan Starks, a maintenance employee at Parliament, stated that she saw Duffy wandering around wide-eyed in the maintenance buildings mumbling that he “really should have paid more attention all these years.”

Witnesses claim Duffy asked some random tourists at the eternal flame how to get to the Senate, only to be met with blank stares from the Japanese visitors.

Duffy reportedly continued wandering for hours, including a stop at a local movie theatre where he charged a Jumbo Jumbo pop corn, two Mounds chocolate bars, Raisinettes, Glossettes, red licorice whips, a bag of Skittles, and a diet Sprite to his expense account.

Witnesses say the Senator sat through forty-five minutes of the new Tom Hanks flick “Captain Phillips” before departing. When media arrived as Duffy was leaving the movie theatre, he told CBC and the Ottawa Citizen that he was on Senate business and that “piracy is still a relevant and dangerous issue in this world, and action must be taken to protect Canadian sailors.”

Senator Patrick Brazeau, who’s fate was also being decided by the Senate during the day’s meeting, was spotted at a nearby Olive Garden restaurant. He refused comment to media but immediately tweeted “I know where the Senate is, I just don’t feel like going.”

Senator Pamela Wallin is currently in the Dominican Republic on “Senate business”.

Leslie Kitchner
Reportering for The Lapine

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