Fired Sanders Staffer Added Smiley Face Emojis to Hillary’s Data Files

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Bernie-Hillary2-SizedMANCHESTER, NH — Saying that he was just out to show there were big holes in the Democratic National Committee’s data wall, now-unemployed tech director Josh Uretsky told CNN today that he deliberately left big signs on the site to prove his point.

He posted a trail of those winky, yellow smiley faces commonly associated with Walmart.

But that lighthearted dose of humor did not go over well with DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz.Emoji-Smiley-Face-Winking-Sized“We warned Chairwoman Wasserman Schultz four times that all the candidates’ private files were out there like laundry flapping on a clothes line for nosy neighbors to see,” said Uretsky.

“But she refused to believe us and told us not to worry our little heads about it…she’s a total prick by the way…I can say that now that I’ve been fired.”Debbie-Wasserman-Shultz-grimace-Sized“So when Hillary’s files on all her supporters popped up yet again on my Mac, I decided to have some fun with a very serious issue that was being poo-poohed by Ms. Wasserman Schultz,” Uretsky said with a grin.

“Was it immature? For sure! But damn, it was fun — I was laughing the whole time I was plunking down winky, smiley faces, just wishing I could see Wasserman Schultz’s face.”

The breach in the protective firewall was discovered by Wasserman Schultz about 40 minutes after Uretsky stumbled upon it and began inserting grinning faces. The Chairwoman immediately shut down access to the vital files for the entire Sanders’ team and sent a personal apology to the Clinton and O’Malley organizations for “Bernie Sanders turning out to be just an old sleazeball”.Bernie-Exit-Left-SizedHillary Clinton and Martin O’Malley staff were subsequently given 40 minutes of unlimited access to the Bernie Sanders files to keep things fair, according to a DNC spokesperson.

“The actions of the Bernie Sanders camp are not compatible with my expectations,” said Wasserman Schultz to reporters late this afternoon.

“We are continuing to investigate.”

“And to delete smiley face emojis.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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