Fox News Only Covers Stories Important to “Real” Americans — O’Reilly

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NEW YORK — Lashing out at CNN and MSNBC as “unpatriotic mambie pambies”, Fox New host Bill O’Reilly today boasted that only Fox News covers the “real God-fearing America”.

“We were the first to break the Cat Saves Boy From Dog Attack story, for example” said O’Reilly on his The O’Reilly Factor show.

“We’ve had over 3,000 hours of investigative coverage on Benghazi…and hundreds of hours covering Obama’s plans to seize guns and the whole sissy socialist crap about global warming.”

O’Reilly’s tirade seems to have been sparked by new ratings that show Fox News is watched by less than 3% of adults under 25 who have more than a Grade 6 education.

The crucial younger audience is the prime target of major advertisers and Fox News has lost more than half of its advertising revenue since November of last year and has taken to running free promos for Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

“Young Americans are turning into drug-smoking, homosexual socialists. And a lot of them are atheists who don’t shower often,” said O’Reilly (64) at the close of his show.

Fox News consistently draws the largest audience among white Republican and Tea Party senior citizens and dominates in North Carolina, Alabama, Texas, Tennessee and Florida. But Fox has almost no audience in other major markets with only 321 people viewing the station in the Boston area, for example.

“We know we don’t draw liberals, blacks, illegal Mexican immigrants or young people,” said O’Reilly.

“But they need to tune in to Fox News and get a healthy dose of the real America.”

Karl Winters
Reportering for The Lapine

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