Fox News Uses Cauliflower to Demonstrate Hillary’s Brain Damage

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NEW YORK — Unable to attain scans of potential Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s brain to prove it is damaged beyond repair, Fox News called in an expert today to give a detailed medical demonstration.

On a cauliflower.

“The human brain looks almost identical to a cauliflower as you can see here,” retired dental lab technician George Phillips told Fox entertainer Sean Hannity, as he used a BIC pen to point out florets on the vegetable.

“But if it gets bashed it gets all mushy and oozy,” Phillips continued as he demonstrated by smashing the cauliflower head several times onto the studio desk.

Speculation about Hillary Clinton’s mental capacity to run for president has been a frequent topic on Fox since Republican political advisor Carl Rove (63) suggested she may have suffered permanent brain damage from a fall that hospitalized her in 2012. Rove has called for the release of Mrs. Clinton’s brain scans, birth certificate and university transcripts, requests that have been laughed at and refused by the Clinton camp.

“I understand that Hillary Clinton took a nasty fall, bouncing her skull off a toilet bowl,” said Phillips.

“That’ll mess with your head…or a cauliflower.”

Rove has repeatedly claimed that Mrs. Clinton spent 4 months in hospital, underwent intense neurological therapy to relearn the national anthem, and to this day cannot correctly pronounce the word “chipotle.”

“Hillary was not nipping on bourbon…and she did not fall off or into a toilet as Mr. Rove claims,” said President Bill Clinton following Rove’s accusations.

“She spent two and a half days in New York’s Presbyterian Hospital for a minor concussion and could whip Karl at Scrabble any day.”

Fox’s Hannity asked Phillips (78) if it was fair and balanced to compare a cauliflower to a human brain and Phillips assured him that in his experience the two appear identical.

“Of course I’m using a steamed cauliflower here,” said the medical expert as he continued bashing the vegetable on the table.

“Potato Potaato.”

Josh Gardener
Reportering for The Lapine

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