Frustrated Voters Hoping Trudeau Being a Spineless Wimp Just Part of Clever Strategy

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OTTAWA — A national opinion survey released today shows that Justin Trudeau could well send Stephen Harper packing into early retirement and become the next Prime Minister of Canada after the coming election.

But only if he “gets his ever-loving shit together” said the majority of survey respondents.

“I think Trudeau is the least wanky of the leaders,” said one comment.

“But man he’s got to grow a pair soon if he wants my vote. Otherwise I’ll just stay home and watch Amazing Race Canada.”

The Ipsos Canada survey shows that Trudeau leads both Harper and NDP leader Thomas Mulcair by a wide margin as voters’ top choice to become Canada’s 23rd Prime Minister, but the 43-year-old Liberal leader also drew the most disclaimer comments.

“Overwhelmingly, Canadians said Trudeau needs to stop waffling like an Eggo,” said Phil Reid, VP of National Polling at Ipsos Canada.

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“They clearly think that Harper’s eating his political lunch.”

“The good news for the Liberals is that voters want to like Mr. Trudeau…the bad news is that so far they have no damn idea what Trudeau actually stands for…plus they think he comes across as a pompous little twerp at times.”

The online and telephone survey shows that Harper is a distant second choice as leader with more than half of respondents using phrases such as “when hell gets air conditioning” in response to the likelihood of voting the PM back into office.

NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair is 7 percentage points behind Harper but Ipsos noted that an unusually large number of respondents didn’t know who he was or referred to him as “that guy with a beard who yells a lot”. Only 11 people could identify Green Party leader Elizabeth May.

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Reid said the survey shows that the majority of Canadians can’t bring themselves to vote for Harper’s Conservatives but are trying to figure out what their best option is.

“Canadians want to support Trudeau if his other testicle drops,” said Reid.

“But until then they’re unlikely to vote for the Liberals.”

“If an election were held today, the ‘Undecided’ party would win a majority government.”

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine

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