‘Google Glassholes’ Getting Attacked, Banned From Public Washrooms

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MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google CEO Larry Page admits that Google Glass has an image problem.

“Men think Google Glass wearers are filming their penises at the urinal. Women think Google Glass wearers are filming their nipples showing through their clothes on cold days,” Page told Wired Magazine today.

“Our owner’s manual clearly stipulates that voyeurism is not a cool usage for Google Glass.”

There have been 17 reported attacks on people wearing Google Glass so far this year including one case where a reporter had the computerized, internet-connected glasses yanked off his face and then was given a wet willy.

16 of the 17 attacks were swift kicks in the ass.

Now commonly referred to as “Google Glassholes”, wearers of the futuristic glasses defend themselves saying they are valuable tools in the same genre as i-pads or smart phones.

“I can find the nearest place where I can get a veggie umami chipotle burger with a kale pine nut salad just by asking my glasses,” said 27-year fashion consultant banker Tanya Waters.

“I never video strangers’ crotches.”

In San Francisco, more than 100 restaurants, bars and clubs have banned the wearing of Google Glass* and the Chronicle newspaper reports that the restaurants, bars and clubs that do allow them have large signs posted on bathroom doors:

“THIS IS NOT A PHOTO STUDIO YOU PERV! REMOVE YOUR GOOGLE GLASSES!”

Google CEO Page says the company has contacted all Google Glass owners asking them to “Google Glass responsibly.”

“Look, when smartphones with high-res cameras took off, there were lots of complaints of up-skirts,” he said.

“I hope people won’t judge Google Glass because of one or two weird horny people taking secret risque videos.”

Sue Dunum
Reportering for The Lapine

*Google insists the plural of Google Glass is Google Glass not Google Glasses. Huh?

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