Harper Admits He Saw Marijuana Once

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OTTAWA – In a candid interview with CBC’s Peter Mansbridge, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said today that he has had personal experiences with illegal marijuana, having once seen a baggie of “weed” at a crowded university party in 1984.

The druggie episode, that Harper says was “not without danger”, was at a gathering at the Stampeder Inn in Calgary to celebrate the University of Calgary Debate Team’s victory over long-time rival the University of Alberta, where Harper had successfully argued the pro side that “Prisons Are Pillars of Society.”

“I didn’t know who these young gentlemen were who arrived at the party all sleepy looking…but they were greasy let me tell you. I’m sure they weren’t invited,” said Harper in relaxed-fit jeans and an open collar shirt. “I saw a baggie of green stuff that could have been clumps of parsley, or maybe oregano…or a bit like organic mint tea leaves, yeah it looked exactly like organic mint tea leaves.”

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The revelation about having come in contact with marijuana is not considered to be on the level of U.S. President Barack Obama’s admission that he blew through a bag a day in college, or the odd confession of former President Bill Clinton that he smoked pot daily but never inhaled.

Harper’s main political opponents have both admitted to pot usage with youngish Justin Trudeau saying it was no big deal and that he had been stoned with his Dad several times including on the famous canoe trip where the father/son duo got lost canoeing and were finally found two days later laughing uproariously over burgers, fries, onion rings, and bubble gum flavoured milkshakes at a Carl’s Junior across the Ontario border in New York State.

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“When I saw a badly rolled cigarette I was about to point out that we had all agreed to no smoking in the hospitality room but then it hit me…that’s a doober, a reefer joint…what the kids today call a blunt or a spliffer,” said Harper (55). “I got my team together and we decided it was best to leave and then file a protest with the Hotel.”

With polls showing the majority of Canadians and Americans support the legalization of pot, the Harper Government has doubled down by increasing minimum marijuana possession sentences to 3 months in jail, up to $10,000 in fines, and mandatory listing on a new National Drugophile Registry.

When Mansbridge asked the Prime Minister what he would tell the majority of Canadians who want pot decriminalized, Mr. Harper simply said, “Look. I’m as hip as the next guy but Mary Jane didn’t vote for me…Canadians did.”

Vic Issitude
Reportering for The Lapine

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