Harper Braves Photo Ops in Iraq to Reveal Fluffier New Hairdo

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Harper-Kenney-Iraq-sizedERBIL, IRAQ — Cameras clicked away today as Prime Minister Stephen Harper playfully swept his fingers through his new, lighter-weight grey hair on a gentle hill 10 kilometres away from the front line in the war on terrorism.

The secretive photo op is part of a surprise visit to Iraq by Harper to show Canadians he’s not afraid of ISIS and to announce his pledge of $139 million in regional humanitarian aid for people affected by the war effort prior to the Canadian federal election.

“I’ve got to say that Mr. Harper’s new hair style is so natural looking with some fabulous highlights,” the Prime Minister’s Chief of Photography Dale Kotter told Reuters News following the half-hour photo op session.

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“Canadian voters are going to love the way his little wisps catch the breeze…he looks so strong and firm, but kind and fatherly at the same time.”

The cloak-and-dagger trip by Harper and 126 aides to Iraq was reportedly a snap decision made by the PM after he saw newly-released polls showing his Conservative Party rapidly losing ground in Ontario, Quebec and, surprisingly, in his home province of Alberta.

Considered accurate 20 times out of 19, the national telephone survey also showed that, if an election were held today, Harper would lose his own seat in Parliament to almost anyone at all who might run against him in his riding.

“This trip has nothing to do with the coming election or photo ops to soften the image of Prime Minister Harper,” said a defensive Minister of Defence Jason Kenney who is travelling with Harper but did not himself have time yet to get a new hairdo.

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“This is a very brave visit by Mr. Harper to stare down the gun barrels of terrorists who want to kill Canadian voters in their sleep.”

“Notice that you don’t see Mulcair or Trudeau out here? Ha!”

“But serious stuff aside, wait until Justin see Stephen’s new coif…all Trudeau has going for him is his looks and he’s just dropped into second place on that front.”

Canada has six CF-18 fighter jets, two Aurora military surveillance aircraft, a Polaris refuelling plane, and an undisclosed number of training-only troops taking part in the battle with ISIS in Iraq and more recently Syria. A Canadian soldier was killed by friendly fire near the front line on March 6th while conducting not-anywhere-near-the-front-line training

In addition to the $139 million pledged to Iraq and area countries, Prime Minister Harper also announced today $5 million in humanitarian aid to Nepal. 

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

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