Harper Bullies Putin into Celebrating Anti-Bullying Day

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OTTAWA – In a surprising turn of events, Russian President Vladimir Putin has decided to mark the International Day of Pink in Russia following a tense 20-minute phone call from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The International Day of Pink is marked across Canada by wearing pink clothing in support of anti-bullying campaigns. The event originated in Nova Scotia, Canada after local students wore pink to school to show support for a local boy that was bullied for wearing a pink polo to school.

Commenting on what he said to President Putin to have him show his support, the PM remarked: “I just said ‘Look Vladdy, I understand that, frankly speaking, bullies only respond to bigger bullies. So let me be clear, you’ve seen the bully-jobs I’ve pulled with my political foes – don’t make me have to do that to you.’”

The Russian President, who is under immense international pressure right now to quit bullying Ukraine, surprised many pundits by agreeing to mark the event. In comments to Russian media, the man known better for bullying opponents in his own country – such as oil tycoons, mafia kingpins, homosexuals, and bears – remarked that “Prime Minister of Canadian province of Ottawa make good point – show respect those we bully.”

Sources have confirmed that to mark the event, the Russian military has painted the red stars on all of their tanks with pink. The Prime Minister Harper explained that he had hoped the Russian leader would do more; he asked President Putin to pull his troops from the Ukrainian border. President Putin had this to say, “It International Day of Pink, not International Day of Bend Over.”

LM Reaney,
Reportering for The Lapine

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