Harper Calls on Canadians to Use a Bit More Oil and Gas

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OTTAWA — With the collapse of global oil prices continuing to hurt the Canadian economy, Prime Minister Stephen Harper today appealed to Canadians to drive their cars more, turn up the furnace, and have more winter gas barbecues.

“Your country needs you to do your bit and burn more petroleum products,” Harper said in a pre-recorded video showing the PM sitting fire-side in his Parliament office.

“If we all make a real effort to drive our cars even just 20 minutes a day more, we can boost the sagging economy and bring in the balanced budget I’m committed to.”

“So ask yourself if you should walk when you can drive, if you should shovel your sidewalks or fire up the snowblower, if you should leave a bedroom window open a crack or turn on the air conditioner to cool your house a bit for a good night’s sleep.”

“These are all simple steps we can take to help our oil industry weather the storm and keep Canada a global energy powerhouse…and help the middle class.”

HappyDrivers

Harper’s unprecedented call for Canadians to use more oil and gas took financial markets by surprise with energy shares rising more than 7% on the Toronto Stock Exchange and oil industry executives praising the Prime Minister’s move.

“When things are tight for the oil industry, things are tight for all Canadians,” Shell Canada’s President Lorraine Mitchelmore told the Calgary Herald this morning.

“If every Canadian used just 1 more litre of premium gas a day, we will get through this together.”

“Today, I’m asking Canadians to be proud consumers and help our country,” said Harper at the close of the 2-minute video.

“Let’s get out there and use more Canadian energy, and leave this country a stronger, better place for our children and grandchildren.”

Canadian environmentalist David Suzuki was unavailable for comment as he is currently tied up undergoing a Canada Revenue audit of his non-profit foundation.

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine

*Photo illustration of Stephen Harper by Levi Nicholson and Richard Redditt.

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