Harper “Kinda Hurt” That U.S. Isn’t Spying on Him


OTTAWA — After reports surfaced that the U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) spied on the leaders of Brazil, Taiwan and most countries with names ending in -stan, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is reportedly “down in the dumps” that he wasn’t deemed important enough to have his e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest accounts secretly tapped.

“It’s been like watching a little boy get nothing for Christmas,” an unnamed Harper aide told the Ottawa Citizen.

“Every day, Stephen kept waiting and waiting and waiting for agents to tell him he was being snooped on by the U.S. They aren’t and it really hurt the wee guy’s feelings.”

Since NSA documents released by Edward Snowden revealed that the U.S. was intercepting electronic communications by government leaders around the world, diplomatic relations between western allies and the U.S. have been strained.

Canada may be the first and only country to be angry that they were not spied on.

“Stephen thought he had a pretty good relationship with President Obama but he’s feeling left out on this one,” added the Harper aide.  “Stephen’s a kind, sensitive person but he’s stopped referring to the President as his “Bro O” and has stopped texting him.”

Canadian Security Intelligence Services (CSIS) confirmed to the Citizen and CBC that the hourly scans ordered by Harper have shown “zero foreign monitoring of the Prime Minister” but CSIS said they will keep looking.

CSIS did report suspicious activity on Mr. Harper’s personal e-mail account however and a Hamilton man was questioned and released after the PM received “repeated spam messages on how to get a ‘GIGANTIC MAN TOOL’.”


William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine



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