Harper Will Lose Swimsuit Competition in Leadership Debates — Oddsmakers
OTTAWA — Oddsmakers in the nation’s capital are giving Liberal leader Justin Trudeau nearly 4-to-1 odds of taking the all-important swimsuit portion of the upcoming televised leadership debates.
“Mr. Harper does not rock a Speedo,” said Dale Findlay, owner of illegal online site betyourass.ca.
“Mr. Trudeau, on the other hand, makes gals and gays swoon with just the glimpse of a nipple.”
“Prime Minister Harper will reportedly wear a sporty pair of Beach Boy surfing shorts but gamblers are mostly saying ewwww.”
“Elizabeth May and Thomas Mulcair (60) will likely be left to scrap it out for Miss Congeniality.”
Televised leadership debates are closely watched by Canadians eager to see candidates royally screw up, shout bunches of total crap, and wear what they think is a snappy tie. Green Party leader Elizabeth May (60) may or may not be allowed into the debates by Harper who has demanded she wear a suit and tie.
“Based on the bets we’re getting, Stephen Harper (55) will win the How Will You Save The World question-and-answer portion of the debate due to his proven skills at being a bald-faced weasel and answering every question by talking about terrorist threats to the average Canadian,” said Findlay.
“Mr. Trudeau (43) knows he has to win the Swimsuit Competition.”
“Rumour has it he’s going to strut his stuff in a banana-side-slinger to show he has the balls to be Prime Minister.”
Reportering for The Lapiine