Harper Reassures Canadians He’s Okay After His Wife Laureen Stung by Bee
TORONTO — Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s office has just released an URGENT BULLETIN that he is absolutely okay in the aftermath of his wife Laureen getting stung on the thigh by a honey bee yesterday.
Mrs. Harper was on the roof of Toronto’s Royal York Hotel with executive chef Gaston Dupuis inspecting the hotel’s new bee hives when both were stung after Mrs. Harper mistakenly sat on one of the apiary boxes.
“The Prime Minister confirms that late yesterday the First Lady was mistakenly stung by a bee,” read the URGENT BULLETIN sent to all Canadian and U.S. media outlets.
“The outpouring of concern is appreciated but we want Canadians to remain calm. Prime Minister Harper is bearing up well.”
An earlier posting on the Conservative Party’s website stating that Mrs. Harper had been “attacked by a gang of angry WASPS” has since been taken down and replaced with last Christmas’ official Harper family photograph and a series of quotes from the Prime Minister about the national importance of supporting Israel and, closer to home, clamping down on the tax-free status of non-profit groups that may have deviant political objectives.
A Royal York management trainee told the Toronto Star that the bees had not previously stung anyone since the hives were installed to provide honey for guests, a statement that raised suspicions for Minister of Foreign Affairs John Baird.
“Trudeau Junior held a Liberal fundraiser on that very same rooftop last week and there was not a single bee sting,” said Baird.
“Suspicious that the wife of our Prime Minister gets swarmed by a bee just 7 days later.”
“I have asked the RCMP to investigate how a half dozen hives of docile Canadian bees could be incited to basically riot.”
The Royal York reports that Mr. Dupuis was stung more than 50 times and is expected to make a full recovery.
Reportering for The Lapine