Harper Says He Found Elizabeth May’s Cleavage Distracting During Debate

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OTTAWA — Green Party leader Elizabeth May will have to button up her shirt and wear a man’s necktie if she wants Stephen Harper to allow her to take part in any future leaders’ debates.

Because the Prime Minister spoke to a group of teenaged Boy Scouts touring Parliament today and accused Ms. May (61) of intentionally using her bosoms to gain an unfair advantage during the recent Macleans debate.

And that won’t happen again, according to Harper (56).

“Let’s be clear here. Ms. May undulated her chest at me when the cameras were off her,” Harper told the confused teenage boys.

“Imagine if I did that? If I undid a few buttons and slowly flexed my pectorals at Ms. May — or at Justin for that matter?”

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“I am trying to run a totally fair and wholesome election here, boys. Ms. May’s sneaky use of her cleavage made for an unlevel playing field.”

“Mr. Mulcair (60) may be too old to have noticed but I was so distracted that I might have maybe perhaps kind have left a bit of the wrong impression that Canada is in a recession.”

While media were barred from Mr. Harper’s talk to the teenage boys, his comments were recorded by the Boy Scout Troop leader, a 36-year-old Ottawa mother of 3 who requested anonymity before releasing her cell phone video to the Ottawa Citizen.

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Green Party interim President Dave Bagler told CTV that Harper’s comments “are sexist, offensive, absurd, insane, crackers, and…anybody have a thesaurus handy?”

“Why do Elizabeth May and her breasts terrify Mr. Harper?”

“And why does Mr. Harper think he gets to rule which leaders get into the debates anyways?”

Canadians polled have shown they overwhelmingly want Ms. May in any and all debates but, despite heavy social media pressure (#LetMaySpeak), organizers from both the coming Globe and Mail and the Munk Debates have announced they are excluding the Green Party leader from their debates.

“Our decision has nothing to do with Prime Minister Harper not wanting breasts as distractions,” said Globe and Mail Publisher and CEO Phillip Crawley.

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“Nor with Ms. May not happening to be a man.”

“Nor with her environmental stance, her opposition to Bill C-51 to keep Canada safe from terrorists, her support of First Nations, her rallies for veterans, her speeches against scientists having to sign non-disclosure agreements…”

“Nor with Mr. Harper pressuring us.”

‘We just think four in a debate is too many and want as robust a debate as possible…hahaha…robust…slip of the tongue.”

Ms. May and her distracting cleavage were unavailable for comment at press time.

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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