Harper Says He Had Measles, Mumps, Chicken Pox, Diptheria, and Whooping Cough and He Turned Out Okay

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OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper surprised a group of Cub Scouts and Brownies today when he said that childhood diseases are no big deal and reminded them that vaccination needles are really pointy and sharp.

“Look children, things like measles are just part of growing up…like head lice,” Harper told the group touring Parliament Hill.

“When I was a boy, I had ’em all and I grew up to be the leader of your country.”

“Heck, it was actually kind of fun…a few days in bed playing with my G.I. Joes and Etch-a-Sketch, eating Jello by the bowlful.

“It’s okay to get mumps. It’s okay to get measles. They’re a natural part of becoming big girls and boys.”

Harper’s comments to the group of prepubescent children came as an outbreak of previously almost-eradicated measles has pitted scientists and doctors against self-named ‘anti-vaxxers’ who claim vaccinations can cause autism and may be partially responsible for gluten intolerance and babies born with flaming red hair.

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“Some Mommies and Daddies think vaccinations work and have no side effects whatsoever,” Harper told the children who were still trying to figure out what G.I. Joes, Etch-a-Sketch, and Jello are.

“But some Mommies and Daddies believe it’s their right to question the science and listen to their neighbours whose nephew’s boss knew someone who was friends with a couple who had a child who turned autistic within minutes of being vaccinated.”

“I’m a big supporter of science kids, but I’m also a big supporter of nature.”

“So, in a totally free society like Canada, you can ask your parents or teacher if they’re sure vaccinations are safe.”

“And did I mention that the needles are this big?” said Harper as cameramen scrambled to get footage of him extending his hands about 8 inches apart.

Lee Whey
Reportering for The Lapine

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