Harper Thinks “Iraqi Mission Creep” is a Guy in Hamilton


OTTAWA — A crowd of Conservative supporters at a fund-raiser in Ottawa thought Prime Minister Stephen Harper was just showing his famous sense of humour last night when he said he was instructing the RCMP to “hunt down this mission creep the media keeps talking about.”

The 200 business leaders laughed and applauded at what they thought was Harper poking fun at Liberal and NDP concerns over Canada getting drawn deeper and deeper into the growing war against Islamic terrorists.

But the PM was speaking without notes and spent more than 5 minutes of his speech reassuring his increasingly confused audience that Canada is tough on crime and creeps.

“Make no mistake about it. We will find this creep in whatever basement he’s living in,” Harper said enthusiastically in an election-style speech that quickly silenced the room.

“I have assured President Obama that my Canada has no room for creeps.”


“My personal belief is that this creep is in Hamilton…or maybe Regina but then again these people don’t like cold winters.”

Canada’s military role to date in the American-led aerial attack on ISIS in Iraq and Syria has been limited to “somewhere between 69 and 700 non-combat advisers” according to the Globe and Mail, based on comments Harper made to U.S. media. Opposition parties have continued to press for more details in Parliament but have been frustrated by the Conservatives mistakenly thinking they were actually asking about Israel.

Tory MP Paul Calandra was forced to apologize to Parliament last week after repeatedly talking about his new time-share in Tel Aviv in response to questions about the Harper government’s seeming eagerness to get Canada into the popular war.

“The Prime Minister is a great kidder isn’t he? He was just having a bit of fun with his fellow Canadians…got to see the funny side of things and all that. Hahaha,” the PM’s Chief Spokesman Jason MacDonald quickly clarified to media following Harper’s confusing speech.

“He fully understands that this so-called mission creep is not a bearded dude in Hamilton or Regina or anywhere else in Canada. Really. He does. Really.”

“Prime Minister Harper wants to assure Canadians that he is unwavering in his strong support for the Israeli government,” added MacDonald as his final comment on the ISIS conflict.

RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson told the Ottawa Citizen today that his office has received no direction from the PM to gather intelligence on a creep.

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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