Harper’s Hair Sets Off Japanese Radiation Alarm


There were moments of panic today as Prime Minister Harper was touring a Japanese nuclear power facility and his hair set off radiation warning alarms.

Surrounded instantly by haz-mat suited workers, the PM and his party were wanded down with radiation detectors, as media looked on.  The puzzled Japanese workers kept returning solely to the PM and his signature hair where the tell-tale warning sounds increased in volume.

One facility worker who asked not to be named said the devices only went off near “that one guy’s hair” and “there was a lot of concern.”

“Then the guy with the grey helmet hair was taken to the Contain and Control Section where they usually do further tests,” said the young Japanese man, who said he is a Super Static Engineer trained in London.  “He kept smiling and waving at people as they walked away, like he was having his picture taken…which really confused everyone.  Brave guy whoever he is.”

The plant is a Candu Reactor on the island of Honshu, one of the few Japanese nuclear plants not scheduled to be decommissioned.

The Prime Minister’s Office issued a short statement:

“The Candu Reactors are among the safest in the world.  A malfunction in the Russian-made detection device resulted in a false reading for several people in the Prime Minister’s party today.  Further testing with American-made devices showed no elevated levels of radiation.”

New NDP leader Thomas Mulcair told The Lapine, “We’re very relieved that Prime Minister Harper and his hair are not radioactive.”


Steve Boyd

Reporting From The Lapine



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