Hillary Admits She Doesn’t Have a Bundle in Her Underwear


hillary-rosie-yellow-sizedWASHINGTON — Hillary Clinton cut to the chase today admitting that she doesn’t have things dangling between her legs but doesn’t think that shortage makes her a weaker candidate for president.

“There are bonerheads out there who think a President needs a penis,” Clinton said on a live Reddit ‘Ask Me Anything’ session earlier today.

“Well, it’s gonna shock some of you — but I don’t have a penis.  I don’t want one.  And I don’t need one.”

“Leaders need to show they have the balls for the job without a doubt. But, sorry guys, they do not need to have testicles.”Hillary-Bill-First-Lady-Copy-Sized

While not using the word ‘feminism’ during the half-hour Reddit feed, Clinton responded to multiple questions about her not being a man with no outward signs of histrionics or breaking down in weepy tears.

“Let’s move on beyond me not having a three-pack in my pants,” Clinton cajoled one man from Texas.

“It’s not a pressing issue whether my husband will be called ‘First Gentleman’ or, as you’re suggesting, ‘First Cuckhold’…it’s 2015, not 1950.”


With Carly Fiorina and Sarah Palin being the only other females in the hunt for the White House, national polls are showing that the gender of the President is largely not a factor in voters’ minds except among Republican males, the majority of Tea Party members, and Donald Trump supporters.

Results of a Fox News poll released today show that 81% of their viewers do not support a woman being President, with 64% saying that if a female ever does win the highest office in the land she should be married to a strong man and be made to wear only skirts or dresses in public.

“Yes, I am a woman,” Clinton said in response to a man pointing out that there were no foremothers among the forefathers.

“Any other questions?”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine




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