Jason Collins’ Stanford Roommate Guessed He Was a “Homosexualer”

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WACO – Texas-born Billy W. Perry says he suspected that basketball player Jason Collins was into “gayism” when he roomed with him at Stanford University in 2000 from little hints such as Collins buying matching dish towels for the shared apartment.

“He didn’t wave his wankie around or anything but there were gobs of clues. Like…he used hair conditioner,” said Perry, then a lineman for the Stanford Cardinal football team and now a Chick-fil-A manager in Waco, Texas. “And the bottle said it smelled like a sunny day. What in the hell does that mean?”

In a recent front-page story in Sports Illustrated, 34-year old Collins came out of the closet and became the first openly gay athlete in any major professional sports league. The 7 foot (2.13 m) center says he is sure no one knew of his homosexuality before his announcement, not even his twin brother Jarron, nor his former 8-year-long fiancee Carolyn Moos.

“The guy didn’t wiggle so most people wouldn’t have guessed,” said Perry, whose dreams of playing NFL football ended when his weight ballooned to 410 pounds (185 kg). “Talked all normal. Walked all normal. Ate meat and stuff like the rest of us. But I caught him watching Brokeback Mountain one night and homo’s not supposed to be catchy but I stopped leaving my toothbrush in the bathroom.”

After being drafted from Stanford in the 2001 NBA Draft, Collins went on to play for the Nets, Grizzlies, Timberwolves, Hawks, and Celtics, and currently is a member of the Washington Wizards on a contract that expires in July.

“I was really kissing up a storm with my wife the other day like we always do with our tongues and everything and I told her that I’ve got nothing against dudes doing dudes. Not my thing at all. But when you think about it….ewwwww,” said Perry, talking to ESPN commentator Hubie Brown and puckering his face in distaste.

“But I’m a Christian and Jason’s a Christian and we Christians forgive other Christians for un-Christian ucky stuff.”

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine

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