John Travolta to Play Harper in Biographical Movie

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LOS ANGELES — Miramax Films announced today that they have secured the film rights to The Stephen Harper Story and actor John Travolta has been signed to play the Prime Minister of Canada.

“This Harper guy is a movie waiting to happen I tell ya,” said Miramax Film CEO Harvey Weinstein in making the announcement in People Magazine.

“Look at the line this guy actually said….You won’t recognize Canada once I’m done with it…that’s money baby, money.”

Travolta (60) is best known as the star of hit movies such as Pulp Fiction and Grease, and for his earlier role on Welcome Back Kotter. He has frequently been in the news recently for his leadership position in the Church of Scientology and for making lewd passes at the male pilot of his private jet, a male gym trainer, and a UPS driver.

“I like Stephen. He’s got a spiritually calm aura around him,” Travolta told People.

“And he’s got a good head of hair. And he’s musical.”

Weinstein was Executive Producer of Pulp Fiction that starred Travolta but he denies any similarities to The Stephen Harper Story.

“This will be a movie about the inner thoughts of the man. The agenda if you will,” said Weinstein.

“The draft script is box office gold. He refuses to talk to the press. He fires Senators left right and centre. He brings budget documents weighing over 100 pounds into the House of Lords or whatever you call it.”

“Hell, I think he even had a bunch of books burned! Magic!”

The Coen brothers (The Big Lebowski, No Country for Old Men) will direct with shooting scheduled to begin in August in Ottawa, Calgary and Tel Aviv.

“Harper has asked for a cameo role so we’ve got him as a newspaper reporter who gets really pissed when Travolta won’t answer his questions. Ain’t that great irony? Love it!”

Sue Dunum
Reportering for The Lapine

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