Lawn Darts Added to Growing List of Terrorist Watch Words

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Lawn-Darts-Fake-Accident-sizedOTTAWA — Warning that lawn darts are banned and could be dangerous in the wrong hands, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said today that he has begun adding his own words to the list surveillance agents are scouring for in Canadians’ e-mails, Tweets, Facebook messages, and garage sale ads.

And CTV is reporting this morning that lawn darts, #killbillc51, and the name Abu are recent additions to the words that Harper says are “bright red flags that someone could be thinking pre-terrorist thoughts”.

“Look. If you do a Google search for lawn darts, you shouldn’t be surprised that surveillance agents will be opening your mail,” Harper told a breakfast fundraiser audience at the Fairmont Château Laurier Hotel.

“And checking your credit card purchases, who you hang out with, if you still think the CBC should continue to exist even though they no longer have Hockey Night in Canada…that sort of thing.”

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“Sure, you might think that this is an illegal invasion of your privacy…that using the words ‘lawn darts’ could be just an innocent thought about a once-legal backyard game…but I believe pre-terrorist thinking has to be shut down quickly before even one more Canadian loses a toe to a radical act,” said Harper.

“As your Prime Minister, I am making your life safer than ever.”

“And I encourage Canadians to find out more about the wonderful security benefits of Bill C-51 on my Conservative Party website.

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Clampdowns since Mr. Harper added lawn darts to the word watch list led to this past weekend’s detention of a group of university students playing beer lawn darts in the cottage country area of Muskoka north of Toronto, and the recent arrest of Liberal leader Justin Trudeau after the game was discovered in his garage by Ottawa police during an unsuccessful search for marijuana.

Lawn darts were banned in Canada and the U.S. in the late 1980s but CSIS and the RCMP report that the steel-tipped projectiles continue to trade hands on web sites such as Craig’s List, eBay, and Kijiji that are reportedly used frequently by terrorist moles and jihadist wannabees.

“Simply put, if you have no terrorist words to hide, you have nothing to worry about,” said Harper.

“Just carry on with your everyday, normal lives. You won’t even notice Bill C-51.

“I’ve got your back Canada.”

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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