Leitch Attacks Subway For Chicken That’s Only 50% White


OTTAWA — In a press conference earlier today, Conservative leadership hopeful Kellie Leitch blasted Canada’s largest sandwich-centric restaurant chain for what she’s calling “Barbaric Culinary Practices”.

The Simcoe-Grey MP’s attack comes on the heels of a Marketplace investigation which found that the chicken in Subway’s sandwiches contains only 50% “non-threatening white meat” while the rest was revealed to be made up of a mixture of dark meat and soy-based filler.

“Diversity has always been the enemy of Canadian dietary values. We don’t want any mixing,” Leitch told reporters before going on to say that she is furious that Subway has allowed dark meat to fill positions that have traditionally been held by white meat.

Calling for improved screening of meat products coming into the country, Leitch (46) said “If it was up to me, I wouldn’t allow any dark meat across our borders at all”, adding “the fact is, the more we let in, the more vulnerable we all become to internal attacks” citing the possibility of “nasty, communicable diseases” and that the higher fat content in non-white wings and drumsticks may cause an unprecedented spike in cases of cardiac arrest across the nation.

“Listen, I think everyone is aware of the fact that white meat is nutritionally much more powerful, and Canadians value that power,” said the suddenly nutrition-conscious MP.

Leitch also lambasted Subway for their use of soy-based filler imported from Asia, stating that there is no clear way to ensure the use of high-quality soy as “All Asians [ingredients] look the same. It’s literally impossible to tell them apart.”

Maxamillian Wallace
Reportering for The Lapine




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